u own nobody. neither urself. ur existence is all in your own mind. so neither get too posessive about ownership nor too hung up about it. be prepared to move on and on and on and on as long as life keeps u moving on.
in the process who comes who goes, what comes what goes are just experiences. bathe in those experiences like a child bathing in the rain.
finally, if sadness overcomes you that if you havent got somebody, or something, look around, take a deep breath understand that there are million others in this universe who havent either, and that u r in far better a position.
offcourse comparisons like the above are mean but then as long as u cant move to that plank where getting something or getting nothing, doesnt really affect ur work user solidarity in deprivement of various forms as a way out for the bereaved soul.
about anything else, think think think about the big picture. why are u where u r. how much in the long scheme of things has the present fitted into it. chalk out a plan. and then think where u have deviated till now. there will be chances of redeeming lost paths sometimes u gotta accept that u hv to face the consequences of lost time.
each of the coming moment is hence important. dont waste it, utilise it in the best possible manner that u think will keep u peaceful and happy.
thats about it ...the gyan session for the day.
`thechild.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
it is the perfect example of life itself....
one moment u r having ur lunch with a ceo of corporate india, things which people aspire for thru their lives, names, people, and you grilling the person across the table as if u had all the world of knowledge to be there asking him those questions...
next moment u r out of his palace, read corporate head quarters, and then life is the same old bus ride.
i think journalists need a huge amount of level headedness to survive and excel.
and in the end its not the name or the byline which counts to him its the honesty to his new ideas and thoughts and how he justifies the service he has taken on to himself, that of writing and recreating imaginary worlds to the readers who read his stories.
learnings from yday night. not verified but worth uploading.
a. the only form of woman which needs to be worshipped is that of the mother. as long as a woman is not a mother she understands just one fact. exploit men. and men if they knew that would allow themselves to be exploited.
b. there are two approaches to this. one to stay alert and agile and vindictive and give back everybody exactly what they deserve. second, create an inner domain, a strong only perhaps known to you within, which u will never allow to get hurt exploited. rest all will just be just that...
finally, take everything as just another thing another acquaintaince. live in the real life, not expecting anything else out of life but the next moment. be flexible and adaptive but in case ur moulding urself let that be known to the world why it is so. that moulding might be painful, u might have never wanted it, but if they wanted u to, u might as well, sharing with the pain in the process.
end of matter is it!!!!! guess no, since i am not convinced whatever i talked above is me talking all this.
more later..
`thechild.
next moment u r out of his palace, read corporate head quarters, and then life is the same old bus ride.
i think journalists need a huge amount of level headedness to survive and excel.
and in the end its not the name or the byline which counts to him its the honesty to his new ideas and thoughts and how he justifies the service he has taken on to himself, that of writing and recreating imaginary worlds to the readers who read his stories.
learnings from yday night. not verified but worth uploading.
a. the only form of woman which needs to be worshipped is that of the mother. as long as a woman is not a mother she understands just one fact. exploit men. and men if they knew that would allow themselves to be exploited.
b. there are two approaches to this. one to stay alert and agile and vindictive and give back everybody exactly what they deserve. second, create an inner domain, a strong only perhaps known to you within, which u will never allow to get hurt exploited. rest all will just be just that...
finally, take everything as just another thing another acquaintaince. live in the real life, not expecting anything else out of life but the next moment. be flexible and adaptive but in case ur moulding urself let that be known to the world why it is so. that moulding might be painful, u might have never wanted it, but if they wanted u to, u might as well, sharing with the pain in the process.
end of matter is it!!!!! guess no, since i am not convinced whatever i talked above is me talking all this.
more later..
`thechild.
it is the perfect example of life itself....
one moment u r having ur lunch with a ceo of corporate india, things which people aspire for thru their lives, names, people, and you grilling the person across the table as if u had all the world of knowledge to be there asking him those questions...
next moment u r out of his palace, read corporate head quarters, and then life is the same old bus ride.
i think journalists need a huge amount of level headedness to survive and excel.
and in the end its not the name or the byline which counts to him its the honesty to his new ideas and thoughts and how he justifies the service he has taken on to himself, that of writing and recreating imaginary worlds to the readers who read his stories.
learnings from yday night. not verified but worth uploading.
a. the only form of woman which needs to be worshipped is that of the mother. as long as a woman is not a mother she understands just one fact. exploit men. and men if they knew that would allow themselves to be exploited.
b. there are two approaches to this. one to stay alert and agile and vindictive and give back everybody exactly what they deserve. second, create an inner domain, a strong only perhaps known to you within, which u will never allow to get hurt exploited. rest all will just be just that...
finally, take everything as just another thing another acquaintaince. live in the real life, not expecting anything else out of life but the next moment. be flexible and adaptive but in case ur moulding urself let that be known to the world why it is so. that moulding might be painful, u might have never wanted it, but if they wanted u to, u might as well, sharing with the pain in the process.
end of matter is it!!!!! guess no, since i am not convinced whatever i talked above is me talking all this.
more later..
`thechild.
next moment u r out of his palace, read corporate head quarters, and then life is the same old bus ride.
i think journalists need a huge amount of level headedness to survive and excel.
and in the end its not the name or the byline which counts to him its the honesty to his new ideas and thoughts and how he justifies the service he has taken on to himself, that of writing and recreating imaginary worlds to the readers who read his stories.
learnings from yday night. not verified but worth uploading.
a. the only form of woman which needs to be worshipped is that of the mother. as long as a woman is not a mother she understands just one fact. exploit men. and men if they knew that would allow themselves to be exploited.
b. there are two approaches to this. one to stay alert and agile and vindictive and give back everybody exactly what they deserve. second, create an inner domain, a strong only perhaps known to you within, which u will never allow to get hurt exploited. rest all will just be just that...
finally, take everything as just another thing another acquaintaince. live in the real life, not expecting anything else out of life but the next moment. be flexible and adaptive but in case ur moulding urself let that be known to the world why it is so. that moulding might be painful, u might have never wanted it, but if they wanted u to, u might as well, sharing with the pain in the process.
end of matter is it!!!!! guess no, since i am not convinced whatever i talked above is me talking all this.
more later..
`thechild.
Monday, June 28, 2004
It rained the other night....
I was back after a heavy session in the middle of the night. While bliss overtook me at one end, there was considerable sadness too. Up on the terrace of the building, when the clouds gathered above to protect me from the rays of the cosmos i slept.
Up there on the terrace its always windy. I dont know when i had slept off. But just like the blessings of the force above the rains came down.
i can never forget the first drop on my cheeks. the drop which broke off my slumber, the way it drenched me in gusto and i sat there up above my terrace, the whole city in the lights, the wind caressing through the industrial jungle into the far away hills.
Blessings were they! i dont know, but now when i listen to this lovely song i realised i was drenched and soaked but nobody knew i was crying too.
Crying in the Rains.....This lovely song by everly brothers a dedication to that moment of life.
I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
If I wait for stormies skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you so
Do the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from heaven
(They) could never take away my misery
Since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Sinces we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Up there on the terrace its always windy. I dont know when i had slept off. But just like the blessings of the force above the rains came down.
i can never forget the first drop on my cheeks. the drop which broke off my slumber, the way it drenched me in gusto and i sat there up above my terrace, the whole city in the lights, the wind caressing through the industrial jungle into the far away hills.
Blessings were they! i dont know, but now when i listen to this lovely song i realised i was drenched and soaked but nobody knew i was crying too.
Crying in the Rains.....This lovely song by everly brothers a dedication to that moment of life.
I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
If I wait for stormies skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you so
Do the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from heaven
(They) could never take away my misery
Since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Sinces we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Sunday, June 27, 2004
timepass or experience!
i think everything in life stems from that basic question. do you want to treat it as a passing of time element or something u wud rather soak urself into passionately enjoy the depths out of it yet come out of it unscarred and strengthened to move on for the next soaking.
timepass or experience!
let me try to justify the above phrase with certain examples.
as i see it, people involve themselves in one of the following kind of situations.
a. job as job. for some jobs are a timepass, for some others its an experience. the former like many paarsis or some others u can c in offices appear completely oblivious to everything around. absolutely chilled in life they are, satisfied with what they have. the latter can be divided into two other types. one who do experience, but somewhere by enforcement. hence for them all kind of jobs, be it in the creative arena, management/business arena, or services for the humanity, it is a nuts-bolts thing. 12 hours rigorous work, they experience all that their other job offers but then since its an enforcement, somehow they manage to keep it just at that, cheapening themselves in the process, disrespecting to whatever they do to just the monetised value of their work done. there is the other kinds in the experience domain however who are insanely, irreverently, passionately, innocently committed to whatever they are doing. they get the bricks as well as the bats, laurels come late, but to them they really love and more importantly respect their jobs. i think i atleast till now belong to the last category the experience people for whom yet my work has not been an enforcement. however i am myself allowing it to become one. beware!!!! the basics of allowing something to become an enforcement or not comes from the MIND. If i think its an enforcement irrespective of outputs it is so. think about how it was ur dream to write in a paper just about 12 months back. beware again!!!
b. the other life.
by which i mean -- low involvement relationships between men and women, sometimes they boiling off to high involvement ones, with or without fruition. fruition might be great might not be great, since in every event happening there is a pro and con attached to it. but surely non-fruition has its immediate pains, and its long term loneliness, though it is the most comfortable kind of situation for a life which in itself is a journey. people fear that non-fruition means the end of it all. they fear pain, but what is pain but in the mind itself. no pain, no pain indeed as muthu was saying. keep like this, soak, drench, experience, be true to ur experiences, never disrespect...and keep walking as the johhny walker ad says...
i know this is not delineation, highly unorganised rambling but i will be back with some more stuff...
a. one how at each moment of time, every one of us stands at the cross roads of choices. and the decision what people take is based on a simulation of future which the individual think will happen, but might not happen in the end....
b. how the few of us, who experience, get some pain, lets not refute that we do -- are just like the maajhis..the majhi for whom rowing the travellers from one end of the river is at one moment a timepass, at another moment an experience. sometimes maajhis get really down, but being in a situation as the fluid river they remain in a state of ecstasy always in bliss singing the bhaatiyaali songs and pondering about the origins of the naadi and its mixing with the ocean....
more later dearest.
`thechild.
timepass or experience!
let me try to justify the above phrase with certain examples.
as i see it, people involve themselves in one of the following kind of situations.
a. job as job. for some jobs are a timepass, for some others its an experience. the former like many paarsis or some others u can c in offices appear completely oblivious to everything around. absolutely chilled in life they are, satisfied with what they have. the latter can be divided into two other types. one who do experience, but somewhere by enforcement. hence for them all kind of jobs, be it in the creative arena, management/business arena, or services for the humanity, it is a nuts-bolts thing. 12 hours rigorous work, they experience all that their other job offers but then since its an enforcement, somehow they manage to keep it just at that, cheapening themselves in the process, disrespecting to whatever they do to just the monetised value of their work done. there is the other kinds in the experience domain however who are insanely, irreverently, passionately, innocently committed to whatever they are doing. they get the bricks as well as the bats, laurels come late, but to them they really love and more importantly respect their jobs. i think i atleast till now belong to the last category the experience people for whom yet my work has not been an enforcement. however i am myself allowing it to become one. beware!!!! the basics of allowing something to become an enforcement or not comes from the MIND. If i think its an enforcement irrespective of outputs it is so. think about how it was ur dream to write in a paper just about 12 months back. beware again!!!
b. the other life.
by which i mean -- low involvement relationships between men and women, sometimes they boiling off to high involvement ones, with or without fruition. fruition might be great might not be great, since in every event happening there is a pro and con attached to it. but surely non-fruition has its immediate pains, and its long term loneliness, though it is the most comfortable kind of situation for a life which in itself is a journey. people fear that non-fruition means the end of it all. they fear pain, but what is pain but in the mind itself. no pain, no pain indeed as muthu was saying. keep like this, soak, drench, experience, be true to ur experiences, never disrespect...and keep walking as the johhny walker ad says...
i know this is not delineation, highly unorganised rambling but i will be back with some more stuff...
a. one how at each moment of time, every one of us stands at the cross roads of choices. and the decision what people take is based on a simulation of future which the individual think will happen, but might not happen in the end....
b. how the few of us, who experience, get some pain, lets not refute that we do -- are just like the maajhis..the majhi for whom rowing the travellers from one end of the river is at one moment a timepass, at another moment an experience. sometimes maajhis get really down, but being in a situation as the fluid river they remain in a state of ecstasy always in bliss singing the bhaatiyaali songs and pondering about the origins of the naadi and its mixing with the ocean....
more later dearest.
`thechild.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
just one thot for now....
nice lines from the momentary lapse of reason section....
"I've abandoned my search for reality and am looking for a good fantasy. "
more later in the day...
`chirantan.
"I've abandoned my search for reality and am looking for a good fantasy. "
more later in the day...
`chirantan.
Friday, June 25, 2004
learning...learning and learning more....
nivedita smita pooja who the hell are these women...why this intense need for low key low involvement affairs with unmarried people of the opposite sex...
is industrialisation, commercialisation a driver of the need for sex...dont i enjoy these minor flirtations...
what crap...
so chirantan...there u r....things are moving at last on ur baby right..
and ur boss who thinks u r his son believes u r a ganjaa addict who takes ganja every day ...thats an awesome judgement man...am completely zapped...for me to think the way i think the way i behave the way i do my things do i need to be on dope ...to behave that way...
am i so untrustworthy, so unbelievable that i am being branded as a gaanjakhor...save someone's souls buddy...someones surely.
the paper seems to be coming out on 12th july the innovation awards is on the move a book can be visualised. so et and staying here is on the move. or is it! trust, whom do i trust, assurances given, or myself that if they r really, REALLY actuated i am ready to take on the mantle.
its been sometime since old friends and interactions have happened. bhatta, ashish, sat, sanyal, reddy, ketan, sur, raghu, and surely how do i mention him last i dont know..but lovely ratul...even nunu is out of range too...
is there any learning from the flow of events the last two days. yes there are but for that i will have to wait to get out of the system and take a deep breath and closed eyes and think about things the way they happened...
yes she wud be happy knowing things are moving, irony is i cant even inform her...good good i like this held up gush of spirit in me, hidden, it will come out when it has time in full gusto.
......
a game theoretic approach between he and she....
he likes she as much as she likes he...
he interacts with she and is the first one to fall for she as is usually the case :)
she understands enjoys the control element she has on he..
she however doesnt give herself completely.
then he gives himself completely, and she realises that its not done...she likes him and now her true woman comes out somewhere deep within she realises that he is more than just a liking...
but then she started of thinking that he was just a liking..how cud she forsake that belief..
she doesnt. he realise she never would.
result - peaceful silence and separation...hahahaha :))
now she understands she had gotten in him and he realises that he had gotten in her which they were looking for, sob sob they didnt believe that at the beginning..
i think the fault is with the system..which makes us very suspect of everybody around....
that same old banglaa saying, bisshash e haraaye bosto...manush ke bisshash haraano paap..nope i must not do that. i shud be aware but must not loose trust...face reality however tough that might be but stand up to it....
rest life will go on ...
quite a crap note this...but nevertheless my daily quota of jottings...
more later....
`thechild.
is industrialisation, commercialisation a driver of the need for sex...dont i enjoy these minor flirtations...
what crap...
so chirantan...there u r....things are moving at last on ur baby right..
and ur boss who thinks u r his son believes u r a ganjaa addict who takes ganja every day ...thats an awesome judgement man...am completely zapped...for me to think the way i think the way i behave the way i do my things do i need to be on dope ...to behave that way...
am i so untrustworthy, so unbelievable that i am being branded as a gaanjakhor...save someone's souls buddy...someones surely.
the paper seems to be coming out on 12th july the innovation awards is on the move a book can be visualised. so et and staying here is on the move. or is it! trust, whom do i trust, assurances given, or myself that if they r really, REALLY actuated i am ready to take on the mantle.
its been sometime since old friends and interactions have happened. bhatta, ashish, sat, sanyal, reddy, ketan, sur, raghu, and surely how do i mention him last i dont know..but lovely ratul...even nunu is out of range too...
is there any learning from the flow of events the last two days. yes there are but for that i will have to wait to get out of the system and take a deep breath and closed eyes and think about things the way they happened...
yes she wud be happy knowing things are moving, irony is i cant even inform her...good good i like this held up gush of spirit in me, hidden, it will come out when it has time in full gusto.
......
a game theoretic approach between he and she....
he likes she as much as she likes he...
he interacts with she and is the first one to fall for she as is usually the case :)
she understands enjoys the control element she has on he..
she however doesnt give herself completely.
then he gives himself completely, and she realises that its not done...she likes him and now her true woman comes out somewhere deep within she realises that he is more than just a liking...
but then she started of thinking that he was just a liking..how cud she forsake that belief..
she doesnt. he realise she never would.
result - peaceful silence and separation...hahahaha :))
now she understands she had gotten in him and he realises that he had gotten in her which they were looking for, sob sob they didnt believe that at the beginning..
i think the fault is with the system..which makes us very suspect of everybody around....
that same old banglaa saying, bisshash e haraaye bosto...manush ke bisshash haraano paap..nope i must not do that. i shud be aware but must not loose trust...face reality however tough that might be but stand up to it....
rest life will go on ...
quite a crap note this...but nevertheless my daily quota of jottings...
more later....
`thechild.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Lovely lines...from Amitabh...brother in law of a colleague here...
Beginning
This Valentine season
wake up a little early
get yourself a cup of coffee
clean the kitchen before you leave
smile and wink at your image in the mirror
turn all the lights off
open the door and step out
walk
keep walking
past the avenue
past the wooden gate
by the edge of the footpath there is a place where you can stand
go stand there
sip your coffee
wait for people to emerge
smile
keep smiling
keep sipping your coffee
soon there will be buses on the road, packed with people
and there will be pedestrians and cows
stray dogs, traffic cops, pickpockets and school kids
beggars, businessmen, assassins, mad people, teachers, vendors
queues, jugglers, victims, human bombs, doctors, patients
politicians, priests, godmen, slaves
mentally disabled, physically disabled, kidnappers, poachers
hackers, creators, devotees, models, stars
lovers, fugitives, militants, freedom fighters
rich, poor, shoplifters, drug addicts
mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, husbands, wives
watch them all
with a smile on your face
look into their eyes
greet them
fall in love with them
there is so much to fall in love with
so little time
and it's just the beginning
Love
Love.
I have said it all
I have nothing more to say
you can go and start religions
conquer lands and kings
write books that will rule minds
I can crush it all down to just one thing
- Love -
that's it
that's all
I have nothing more to say
Children
(One must ask children and birds how cherries and strawberries taste. - Goethe)
If there aren't any children,
who will fall in love with a green bug hiding behind a blade of grass?
who will find a place bigger than the whole world under the coffee table?
who will discover all the happiness on earth packed inside a candy heart?
who will be seen running after a dragonfly, the way we run after money and buses?
who will see dreams of kites and lush green lands and new school shoes and big bicycles?
there is only one world
and that belongs to children
that's their playground
you and me and billions like us can never snatch it away from them
let's leave
Change
One by one
She took all her clothes off
And went to bed
Wearing me
This Valentine season
wake up a little early
get yourself a cup of coffee
clean the kitchen before you leave
smile and wink at your image in the mirror
turn all the lights off
open the door and step out
walk
keep walking
past the avenue
past the wooden gate
by the edge of the footpath there is a place where you can stand
go stand there
sip your coffee
wait for people to emerge
smile
keep smiling
keep sipping your coffee
soon there will be buses on the road, packed with people
and there will be pedestrians and cows
stray dogs, traffic cops, pickpockets and school kids
beggars, businessmen, assassins, mad people, teachers, vendors
queues, jugglers, victims, human bombs, doctors, patients
politicians, priests, godmen, slaves
mentally disabled, physically disabled, kidnappers, poachers
hackers, creators, devotees, models, stars
lovers, fugitives, militants, freedom fighters
rich, poor, shoplifters, drug addicts
mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, husbands, wives
watch them all
with a smile on your face
look into their eyes
greet them
fall in love with them
there is so much to fall in love with
so little time
and it's just the beginning
Love
Love.
I have said it all
I have nothing more to say
you can go and start religions
conquer lands and kings
write books that will rule minds
I can crush it all down to just one thing
- Love -
that's it
that's all
I have nothing more to say
Children
(One must ask children and birds how cherries and strawberries taste. - Goethe)
If there aren't any children,
who will fall in love with a green bug hiding behind a blade of grass?
who will find a place bigger than the whole world under the coffee table?
who will discover all the happiness on earth packed inside a candy heart?
who will be seen running after a dragonfly, the way we run after money and buses?
who will see dreams of kites and lush green lands and new school shoes and big bicycles?
there is only one world
and that belongs to children
that's their playground
you and me and billions like us can never snatch it away from them
let's leave
Change
One by one
She took all her clothes off
And went to bed
Wearing me
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
one of those days...
when u allowed life to take control of u....
its a fascinating life isnt it...even till early morn i didnt know that the day will start off with possibly a job interview tomorrow afternoon...i was infact thinking of cutting the cell phone call early morn...
what wud have happened if i had ...
in any case i didnt..so theres this job interview of mercer consulting..
i dont know if its going to be a great option....but its worth checking out anyways...
life...well life is an experience..happening to u while u r busy making other plans....
a lovely poem jaya made me read today....will upload it tomorrow...
Just love....everything else can be broken down to it...
`adiosthechild..
its a fascinating life isnt it...even till early morn i didnt know that the day will start off with possibly a job interview tomorrow afternoon...i was infact thinking of cutting the cell phone call early morn...
what wud have happened if i had ...
in any case i didnt..so theres this job interview of mercer consulting..
i dont know if its going to be a great option....but its worth checking out anyways...
life...well life is an experience..happening to u while u r busy making other plans....
a lovely poem jaya made me read today....will upload it tomorrow...
Just love....everything else can be broken down to it...
`adiosthechild..
Monday, June 21, 2004
wanted to upload this on saturday itself...
nevertheless...dylan at his surreptitious and sublime best....
Things Have Changed..
------------------------------
A worried man with a worried mind
No one in front of me and nothing behind
There's a woman on my lap and she's drinking champagne
Got white skin, got assassin's eyes
I'm looking up into the sapphire tinted skies
I'm well dressed, waiting on the last train
Standing on the gallows with my head in a noose
Any minute now I'm expecting all hell to break loose
People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed
This place ain't doing me any good
I'm in the wrong town, I should be in Hollywood
Just for a second there I thought I saw something move
Gonna take dancing lessons do the jitterbug rag
Ain't no shortcuts, gonna dress in drag
Only a fool in here would think he's got anything to prove
Lot of water under the bridge, Lot of other stuff too
Don't get up gentlemen, I'm only passing through
I've been walking forty miles of bad road
If the bible is right, the world will explode
I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can
Some things are too hot to touch
The human mind can only stand so much
You can't win with a losing hand
Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet
Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street
I hurt easy, I just don't show it
You can hurt someone and not even know it
The next sixty seconds could be like an eternity
Gonna get low down, gonna fly high
All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie
I'm love with a woman who don't even appeal to me
Mr. Jinx and Miss Lucy, they jumped in the lake
I'm not that eager to make a mistake
Things Have Changed..
------------------------------
A worried man with a worried mind
No one in front of me and nothing behind
There's a woman on my lap and she's drinking champagne
Got white skin, got assassin's eyes
I'm looking up into the sapphire tinted skies
I'm well dressed, waiting on the last train
Standing on the gallows with my head in a noose
Any minute now I'm expecting all hell to break loose
People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed
This place ain't doing me any good
I'm in the wrong town, I should be in Hollywood
Just for a second there I thought I saw something move
Gonna take dancing lessons do the jitterbug rag
Ain't no shortcuts, gonna dress in drag
Only a fool in here would think he's got anything to prove
Lot of water under the bridge, Lot of other stuff too
Don't get up gentlemen, I'm only passing through
I've been walking forty miles of bad road
If the bible is right, the world will explode
I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can
Some things are too hot to touch
The human mind can only stand so much
You can't win with a losing hand
Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet
Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street
I hurt easy, I just don't show it
You can hurt someone and not even know it
The next sixty seconds could be like an eternity
Gonna get low down, gonna fly high
All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie
I'm love with a woman who don't even appeal to me
Mr. Jinx and Miss Lucy, they jumped in the lake
I'm not that eager to make a mistake
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Today morning Starts at 7.15 .
"Tisn't life that matters! Tis the courage you bring to it".
from the opening lines of Fortitude of Hugh Walpole a ruskin bond childhood favourite.
Sometimes like last night i take a hard look into life. Pains evaporates. Realities crop up, so do fears but then along with that the challenge of surmounting them.
What are the realisations of last night?
a. People look for alibis like cigarettes or women, because they are afraid. Everything here, secretaries, middle men, people on whom you can rely on is inherent to a feudal mindset. Why does one marry apart from companionship? Because as i see it, we have an inner urge to procreate continue our progeny, since we wont be there for ever. Hey, that means you are not confident enough to do in a lifetime what you are sent here to do. Wake up dear, this is not any other life, just one life, as they were saying Jhankar Beats yesterday, 'chance pe dance karna hain'.
b. How have many visionaries like Vivekananda or many others managed to stay alone without a partner? I think that comes from a strong self belief on one's mission and vision. But mission and vision dont come just like that. It comes from an urge to prove to the world around, that however much you might thump me down, i am right on my paths, learning evolving and improving and creating a path for myself to follow and others to follow suit if they like to -- or if they want to.
In continuance of the above two understandings, i realise a strong need of inculcating a discipline in life, a system a process of doing things, staying calm and relaxed as a result because most things in life which are quite trivial can be fitted into that system or process. Let the framework take care for that. Which means things like IT, job, etc can be passed on to the system as you find more time for yourself to focus on your mission and vision of life.
Today morning, infact meeting Rajan was a revelation.
- The meeting gave me a lot of confidence of crystallising long term aims of life dealing with medium term contingencies, and surely clearing up immediate contingencies.
- but the meeting also raised questions in my mind like 'is a woman that important partner of life', that 'unconsciously my smoking has become an involuntary habit for no reason at all', that i am still not confident enough, maybe the scars of some of my pasts are holding me back without any apparent reason.
- it also raised questions like 'whatever i aim to do in my life is a means to an end or an end in itself. what really does that mean, i wonder, ends means arent they all so futile in this life whose birth and death we have no control on? but then i think i am changing a lot, in understanding that i might not have control in my coming and going, but atleast in my living i surely have and there is no reason to loose confidence on that front.
Hard Facts to be Dealt with.
a. Stay put with the end of Innovation project at ET to see the end of it.
b. Sequence your moves like this, manu-report --> Big Leap --> Methodology and Awards --> finally the book which should help me finally in the long run. Conceiving a book is no easy deal, and i might not get this early a break anytime else in life. If the Force above has given me the chance let me give it a serious thought.
b. Finalise universities, LSE-LBS-Insead in Europe, 18 odd from the top 25 for applying in the area of research -- creativity, innovation and entrepreneurship -- be it in a policy school, in business policy, in economics or in journalism school.
c. Send mails to profs and people shortlisting 3 + 7 from the rest.
d. get prepared, life is going to be tough, it would involve independence true, but there would be nobody to rely upon for the next atleast 5 years if not more, no easy phone calls or flights back home, no fish or rice too. Get Up and Get Going for it, Knowing it all....
Remember ....
"Tisn't life that matters! Tis the courage you bring to it".
`thechildwhoisseeingandgettingawareofitall.
from the opening lines of Fortitude of Hugh Walpole a ruskin bond childhood favourite.
Sometimes like last night i take a hard look into life. Pains evaporates. Realities crop up, so do fears but then along with that the challenge of surmounting them.
What are the realisations of last night?
a. People look for alibis like cigarettes or women, because they are afraid. Everything here, secretaries, middle men, people on whom you can rely on is inherent to a feudal mindset. Why does one marry apart from companionship? Because as i see it, we have an inner urge to procreate continue our progeny, since we wont be there for ever. Hey, that means you are not confident enough to do in a lifetime what you are sent here to do. Wake up dear, this is not any other life, just one life, as they were saying Jhankar Beats yesterday, 'chance pe dance karna hain'.
b. How have many visionaries like Vivekananda or many others managed to stay alone without a partner? I think that comes from a strong self belief on one's mission and vision. But mission and vision dont come just like that. It comes from an urge to prove to the world around, that however much you might thump me down, i am right on my paths, learning evolving and improving and creating a path for myself to follow and others to follow suit if they like to -- or if they want to.
In continuance of the above two understandings, i realise a strong need of inculcating a discipline in life, a system a process of doing things, staying calm and relaxed as a result because most things in life which are quite trivial can be fitted into that system or process. Let the framework take care for that. Which means things like IT, job, etc can be passed on to the system as you find more time for yourself to focus on your mission and vision of life.
Today morning, infact meeting Rajan was a revelation.
- The meeting gave me a lot of confidence of crystallising long term aims of life dealing with medium term contingencies, and surely clearing up immediate contingencies.
- but the meeting also raised questions in my mind like 'is a woman that important partner of life', that 'unconsciously my smoking has become an involuntary habit for no reason at all', that i am still not confident enough, maybe the scars of some of my pasts are holding me back without any apparent reason.
- it also raised questions like 'whatever i aim to do in my life is a means to an end or an end in itself. what really does that mean, i wonder, ends means arent they all so futile in this life whose birth and death we have no control on? but then i think i am changing a lot, in understanding that i might not have control in my coming and going, but atleast in my living i surely have and there is no reason to loose confidence on that front.
Hard Facts to be Dealt with.
a. Stay put with the end of Innovation project at ET to see the end of it.
b. Sequence your moves like this, manu-report --> Big Leap --> Methodology and Awards --> finally the book which should help me finally in the long run. Conceiving a book is no easy deal, and i might not get this early a break anytime else in life. If the Force above has given me the chance let me give it a serious thought.
b. Finalise universities, LSE-LBS-Insead in Europe, 18 odd from the top 25 for applying in the area of research -- creativity, innovation and entrepreneurship -- be it in a policy school, in business policy, in economics or in journalism school.
c. Send mails to profs and people shortlisting 3 + 7 from the rest.
d. get prepared, life is going to be tough, it would involve independence true, but there would be nobody to rely upon for the next atleast 5 years if not more, no easy phone calls or flights back home, no fish or rice too. Get Up and Get Going for it, Knowing it all....
Remember ....
"Tisn't life that matters! Tis the courage you bring to it".
`thechildwhoisseeingandgettingawareofitall.
Friday, June 18, 2004
So The Chopper Ride is over....isnt it!
Courtesy ET a lot of things is happening...
the foremost is meeting quite some array of people. having new experiences like moving on a helicopter..and its like.
Yday's visit was a revelation. How if somebody really wants something somebody can get it -- a clear example of that.
My new learnings from all of yesterday.
a. Thing more Rationally -- Cut out emotions for the time being.
b. Who is this new woman, pooja she says is her name, "familiarity breeds contempt" she says. Lets c perhaps another experience.
c. Clustering my objectives in life, into the long term one, medium term one and immediate ones. Work on that, thoughts should take a backseat, its time for action to capture centrestage.
Is this is a good feeling! Somehow it is intuitionally yes. Girls !! Well what more can i say but the kind of trepidation i heard from Ankur's voice. Jobs, hardly matter. They will keep flowing.
What matters is the Long term aim, how am i braced up for it, what am i doing towards that end.
That is about it for today.
A nice poem from pooja, quite simple short peaceful as she claims she wrote it in class 2. Do i remember anything i wrote when i was that small! Or perhaps i have an inbuilt mechanism of sieving out my memories! hahahahaha....
GIVE the CHILD some STRENGTH -- Oh Unknown Force...
i saw a squirrel
in the park
it had a tail
like a question mark.
over and out for the present.
`thechild.
the foremost is meeting quite some array of people. having new experiences like moving on a helicopter..and its like.
Yday's visit was a revelation. How if somebody really wants something somebody can get it -- a clear example of that.
My new learnings from all of yesterday.
a. Thing more Rationally -- Cut out emotions for the time being.
b. Who is this new woman, pooja she says is her name, "familiarity breeds contempt" she says. Lets c perhaps another experience.
c. Clustering my objectives in life, into the long term one, medium term one and immediate ones. Work on that, thoughts should take a backseat, its time for action to capture centrestage.
Is this is a good feeling! Somehow it is intuitionally yes. Girls !! Well what more can i say but the kind of trepidation i heard from Ankur's voice. Jobs, hardly matter. They will keep flowing.
What matters is the Long term aim, how am i braced up for it, what am i doing towards that end.
That is about it for today.
A nice poem from pooja, quite simple short peaceful as she claims she wrote it in class 2. Do i remember anything i wrote when i was that small! Or perhaps i have an inbuilt mechanism of sieving out my memories! hahahahaha....
GIVE the CHILD some STRENGTH -- Oh Unknown Force...
i saw a squirrel
in the park
it had a tail
like a question mark.
over and out for the present.
`thechild.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Yesterday was 16th June ' 04. Today is 17th June'04.
The essential difference between yesterday and today happens to be in the date. Time has moved ahead. And in the counting system that we have created the date yday added up to 1. today adds up to one more -- 2. it is on one such date 01.01.1979 that i was born, as a child out of the womb of my mother -- came out in the open. That day too, the dates added up to 1. Hence it is said numerologically, (i am trying to frame up some rationale for numerology, more on that later), that 1 is a lucky number for me.
was yesterday lucky! sometimes we can see luck or events happening around us. sometimes something happening at some other end of the cosmos is actually linking up to me. there in perhaps lies my luck. but in any case, yday i started a concerted search for leaving my cigarette smoking habit.
somehow that urge was not coming in. but day before yday while talking to my frd in blore doing his phd i realised as he said also, that its all in the mind. If there is a problem, which the cigarette will ameliorate, does it really ameliorate that problem. It doesnt immediately. All it does is to soothen your nerves to deal with what seems to be a problem, if at all there is a problem in the first place. Thus the way to leave cigarettes is not to smoke becos its a solution, but just to understand that Nothing Really is a Problem. Or for that Matter leading Life itself is a HUGE PROBLEM. ONCE you are out in the Open from the womb, In front of that Problem all other problems just fades.
So cigarettes out. yday evening VK one of my very few respected colleagues here in the paper i work in, asked me with all that he cud garner -- not to intrude on my privacy -- what do i get smoking a cigarette. NOTHING. And i told him that. Ever since that time i had not smoked one. Today morning just when i lighted my first one after around 18 hours of abstinence vk met me outside office. The Unknown force had sent Him. I admitted i was trying. I thought i had overcome it completely. But the moment i Lost Control. I found that vk the unknown force's messenger was there telling me that u havent. Good in a way, the force made me realise that he is there with me.
After a long time, i am quite level with my head i guess. Some sort of a long vision has come in, as everybody around is trying to subdue or satisfy me, i get ever more fiercer and analytical and sharper in dealing, writing, speaking, facing up to things. I like this feel of fearlessness. Whom should i Fear but anybody else apart from MYSELF!
Sister darling sent me this lovely few lines in reply to a 'Loss of faith' mail couple of days back. Here i upload it..it has some lovely thoughts, really deep ones, just a bit unconvincing though. She has found out the reasons behind her thoughts, but is still slightly afraid whether to adopt it. Thats logical, since she has the family to abide by, being a woman in this Indian society. But i am with HER always. We will fight it out....TO THE VERY END.
What else! Life goes on, a realisation has creeped in .....that Men are Men and Women are Women...Perhaps the first of my mindset changes about the class/hierarchy of human civilisation. The deep divides that Force has created to keep some kind of a balance.
I can call it the kink effect. But that is obscene i will not upload that. U want to know that i guess ! we will talk about it...
Ok dear, this is about time i return back to work...Thursday the 17th's quota is over. More soon, maybe tomorrow, maybe some days later...maybe never....
Let the fight, the march, the life that is enmeshed integrally with time go on.....
`thechild.
The Sisterly Thots -- Below :
"Wouldnt it be great had we been let to live with our madness, with our idiosyncracies? maybe the asylum is after all a better place to live in, because all the mads live there with their own life ,their own thoughts and noone laughs ,noone comes and tells them to do like the ways of the world!!!
kintu seta hoy na....atleast in the near future i cannot see it happening. so we have to learn the worldly ways...janina all the d's that are going to come in your life what you think abt them ....or what you feel abt it now, maybe sad, maybe disgusted, maybe betrayed .but at the end of it all lets tell you something...
1) Men are men and women are women. I dont know any of the women n your life till now to comment on them. But i can say atleast that every man and every woman have their insecurities, their frustrations. You have yours, me have mine. But at the end of the road everyone wants to be loved. The basic concept of "love" though is generally very vague for most of the people. I dont know but most of them do not believe that love exists in the mind in the heart in the soul. Sex is just a means to authorise ones rights over the others. every human being knows that he /she is after all alone, and after the cut of the umbilical cord, no other relation really exists...everything is just made.....even love is ....because you need the warmth of the womb ,which isnt possible.....
but maybe very few do think in this way. It’s that eternal longing between a man and a woman, and then go to bed, have babies story which everyone believes in..i dont know why.
2) Do not ever feel sad, or guilty about anything. because they really does not exist. Its all experiences which occurs, and that is what matters. The ds will vanish with time, what you learnt from it will stay..
3) Its not a matter of losing faith. Its a matter of eternal search. a matter of patience and more faith. To be very true. Its really needed in ones life to be selective about ones choices. I dont think its good to open up to everyone and anyone you meet down the line. you have been lucky and its just sheer 'luck' that you have got freinds like the ones in roorkee and some like ratul ...but that doesnt mean you will be lucky everytime...
so it will be difficult ..but be a lil choosy abt your company from now. maybe you will be lonely ,you will be silent ...but dekhbi with time you will be able to live and learn from your loneliness....and abt the one who is really made for you...will certainly know if she has to know...
....but i couldnt somehow be very informal with him....as if a shield came everytime i wanted to be real informal...but i think thats good....you get to know for yourself whos really suited for you and whos not....
and anyways who are to stay are to stay ....anyways....
so be a lil upfront ....jani eshob bola is very easy...but i will tell you something? surround urself with people who can make you laugh just pure laughter....not the people who can talk too much gyan stuff....i seriously mean it . if neccessary ring up people who you think can make you laugh....
was yesterday lucky! sometimes we can see luck or events happening around us. sometimes something happening at some other end of the cosmos is actually linking up to me. there in perhaps lies my luck. but in any case, yday i started a concerted search for leaving my cigarette smoking habit.
somehow that urge was not coming in. but day before yday while talking to my frd in blore doing his phd i realised as he said also, that its all in the mind. If there is a problem, which the cigarette will ameliorate, does it really ameliorate that problem. It doesnt immediately. All it does is to soothen your nerves to deal with what seems to be a problem, if at all there is a problem in the first place. Thus the way to leave cigarettes is not to smoke becos its a solution, but just to understand that Nothing Really is a Problem. Or for that Matter leading Life itself is a HUGE PROBLEM. ONCE you are out in the Open from the womb, In front of that Problem all other problems just fades.
So cigarettes out. yday evening VK one of my very few respected colleagues here in the paper i work in, asked me with all that he cud garner -- not to intrude on my privacy -- what do i get smoking a cigarette. NOTHING. And i told him that. Ever since that time i had not smoked one. Today morning just when i lighted my first one after around 18 hours of abstinence vk met me outside office. The Unknown force had sent Him. I admitted i was trying. I thought i had overcome it completely. But the moment i Lost Control. I found that vk the unknown force's messenger was there telling me that u havent. Good in a way, the force made me realise that he is there with me.
After a long time, i am quite level with my head i guess. Some sort of a long vision has come in, as everybody around is trying to subdue or satisfy me, i get ever more fiercer and analytical and sharper in dealing, writing, speaking, facing up to things. I like this feel of fearlessness. Whom should i Fear but anybody else apart from MYSELF!
Sister darling sent me this lovely few lines in reply to a 'Loss of faith' mail couple of days back. Here i upload it..it has some lovely thoughts, really deep ones, just a bit unconvincing though. She has found out the reasons behind her thoughts, but is still slightly afraid whether to adopt it. Thats logical, since she has the family to abide by, being a woman in this Indian society. But i am with HER always. We will fight it out....TO THE VERY END.
What else! Life goes on, a realisation has creeped in .....that Men are Men and Women are Women...Perhaps the first of my mindset changes about the class/hierarchy of human civilisation. The deep divides that Force has created to keep some kind of a balance.
I can call it the kink effect. But that is obscene i will not upload that. U want to know that i guess ! we will talk about it...
Ok dear, this is about time i return back to work...Thursday the 17th's quota is over. More soon, maybe tomorrow, maybe some days later...maybe never....
Let the fight, the march, the life that is enmeshed integrally with time go on.....
`thechild.
The Sisterly Thots -- Below :
"Wouldnt it be great had we been let to live with our madness, with our idiosyncracies? maybe the asylum is after all a better place to live in, because all the mads live there with their own life ,their own thoughts and noone laughs ,noone comes and tells them to do like the ways of the world!!!
kintu seta hoy na....atleast in the near future i cannot see it happening. so we have to learn the worldly ways...janina all the d's that are going to come in your life what you think abt them ....or what you feel abt it now, maybe sad, maybe disgusted, maybe betrayed .but at the end of it all lets tell you something...
1) Men are men and women are women. I dont know any of the women n your life till now to comment on them. But i can say atleast that every man and every woman have their insecurities, their frustrations. You have yours, me have mine. But at the end of the road everyone wants to be loved. The basic concept of "love" though is generally very vague for most of the people. I dont know but most of them do not believe that love exists in the mind in the heart in the soul. Sex is just a means to authorise ones rights over the others. every human being knows that he /she is after all alone, and after the cut of the umbilical cord, no other relation really exists...everything is just made.....even love is ....because you need the warmth of the womb ,which isnt possible.....
but maybe very few do think in this way. It’s that eternal longing between a man and a woman, and then go to bed, have babies story which everyone believes in..i dont know why.
2) Do not ever feel sad, or guilty about anything. because they really does not exist. Its all experiences which occurs, and that is what matters. The ds will vanish with time, what you learnt from it will stay..
3) Its not a matter of losing faith. Its a matter of eternal search. a matter of patience and more faith. To be very true. Its really needed in ones life to be selective about ones choices. I dont think its good to open up to everyone and anyone you meet down the line. you have been lucky and its just sheer 'luck' that you have got freinds like the ones in roorkee and some like ratul ...but that doesnt mean you will be lucky everytime...
so it will be difficult ..but be a lil choosy abt your company from now. maybe you will be lonely ,you will be silent ...but dekhbi with time you will be able to live and learn from your loneliness....and abt the one who is really made for you...will certainly know if she has to know...
....but i couldnt somehow be very informal with him....as if a shield came everytime i wanted to be real informal...but i think thats good....you get to know for yourself whos really suited for you and whos not....
and anyways who are to stay are to stay ....anyways....
so be a lil upfront ....jani eshob bola is very easy...but i will tell you something? surround urself with people who can make you laugh just pure laughter....not the people who can talk too much gyan stuff....i seriously mean it . if neccessary ring up people who you think can make you laugh....
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
I am not one who is averse to writing down his thoughts. Yet for the last few fortnights it has been a painful stay with articulations on paper having virtually stopped. Sometimes i know my pen which is a permanent friend tickling me, but whenever i start doing so, somehow i feel i am not being honest enough!
A reason why seeing a friends' blog i relented at last. Thought why not try out this new e-medium and created this space.
Yes i love the fact that i am a child, sometimes intransigent, sometimes misconceiving things, staying in my own lonely surely but lovely world. At times in the nights when life gets lonely, and the tired horse in me needs some sleep, music comes as a messiah.
Will come back more soon with some more jottings.
Till then waving my hand as does all parents do when they see of their child moving to better shores never to return to them.
`thechild.
A reason why seeing a friends' blog i relented at last. Thought why not try out this new e-medium and created this space.
Yes i love the fact that i am a child, sometimes intransigent, sometimes misconceiving things, staying in my own lonely surely but lovely world. At times in the nights when life gets lonely, and the tired horse in me needs some sleep, music comes as a messiah.
Will come back more soon with some more jottings.
Till then waving my hand as does all parents do when they see of their child moving to better shores never to return to them.
`thechild.
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