"Waltz for the Lonely"

Why did i feel so lonely last night. I fear more than its recurrence, its happening in the first place. Why did i feel so lonely in the first place at all!

Loneliness is actually a virtue, but soumya was right when i met him last night, after some how many years i myself will find it difficult to calculate.

He is still almost the same man. Except that his farts have mellowed down considerably, he speaks these days of his dreams, of things he is or isnt doing, but with considerable circumspection. And beyond that he gives some lovely thoughts.

Its like as he himself said, "he has outgrown his age" in the same time we have both lived on earth.

Soumya is my old time school friend, one of the most interesting guys one can find around, yet not the professionally succesful person as we will like to define an individual with. Here i etch up on this space some of his thoughts of last night.


On Life and its dilemma.

-- " i fight like a rubber band between two things. One which i believe in, the other which i dream in. My dreams have taken a backseat, and realities are carving my beliefs. Belief that materialism is the be all and end all of the world. and dreams that yes somehow someday i will do something phenomenal for which i was sent for here on this earth."

On his wife, Moumita, and her love.

-- "She is one of the most innocent and conservative woman i have ever come across. Gives me sticks all through the day, looks at me with dreamy eyes when i rattle off my global and perhaps never realisable ambitions, and still believes in me. What do i do, but not to stay with her for a lifetime!" Isnt that what it is....


On Kafka and existensialism

-- He quoted from a Kafka line, "She withdrew from me her fingers. Behind i could hear the whistle of a train, and I was reminded of my childhood."


On Love and Women

-- "Marry somebody atleast 5-6 year younger to yourself chiru. It helps, for people like us, who are anyways quite ahead of our similar aged males in our thoughts. A same aged girl finds that difficult to believe. And hence all the friction. When you marry somebody that young you will see a flower bloom, and be there like the gardener to take care of it, so that its petals dont wither and fall of. It is one of the highest kicks you can get in your lifetime."

-- " Women are encroaching by nature. Bengali women more so because of their very nature. Even bengali males are. For example if you marry a Punju woman, then when she returns home at the same time as you, and then rings up some colleague repeatedly, you inadvertently would be asking, who is it. Encroachment, unnecessary concern is in the way we bongs are all brought up."


On Me

-- "You are not yet materialistic dear. I appreciate that so much still in you. Your profile of being the doctor among us friends, prescribing friends with appropriate medicines, still remains. You were the middle path guy, no risks, good boy, and how come you have shifted lines, from engineering to mba to journalism! Perhaps you are still on a path of discovery, and you have no plans." I have plans soumya, but somehow i am not rigid to them. As ratul told me once, and i so very sincerely know its true, "all does come out even at the end of the day, all comes out even, even more when all the days are over."

On him and his dreams.

-- This is my thought, "Soumya, you are trying to spin a business out of the adage that "perception is a reality". Your demand forces are perceptions, your supply forces are perception, and yet the reality is your business. Perhaps you will make a lot of money from it, but then is that what u wanted. I know you dont. What more can i say to you, but wish you luck, and that i will be there, in whatever best possible way to help you out.


On me and cherished memories

-- "My most cherished memory of life, is how you cried, when i left for Delhi." I fail to remember it, for i cry for everybody. Not many stay back like you have done. I appreciate that initiative to bind up the lost linkages.



Returning back home, it was lonely. People whom i knew from the past, Rajarshi for example have completely dissappeared into oblivion. others are doing a host of other things, Sandeep is in South Korea marrying, Sandipan, planning to be an art director after his bcom, ecom mass com and arts history courses, soumyadeep, no news, ani, languishing in his iflex job a pity isnt it, and nisheet still "discovering" as soumya so rightly said. I think that is fine. Life should be a discovery, not a lonely feeling. There is so much to see, so much to know, liek that guy Afsar who came along with Soumya yday night. Am sure he has an interesting history. But that should remain bottled for some other day.


Thats the update for today. Life does go on, but with the laptop at home things should get more organised.

Sometimes i think its so easy to slip off. To end up like Soumya, wandering. We started from the same origins and bases, how environs guide or misguide us.


That is about it. Take care my child. When life gets lonely, take a deep breath, and remember people from the past, people who formed so much of your existence, but have ever since been overtaken by others in their places due to proximity and convenience and your own bohemian nature.


The waltz will go on...as much for the lonely, as much for the accompanied children of the world.

`thechild.