"If you miss the train i am on, You will know that i am gone, you can hear the whistle blow ..a hundred miles....."

Yes thats the song which starts my day. Last night while surfing through the web i landed up some lovely kafka lines, one of them i picked up and made my signature. it says, " " From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached."

I dont know, perhaps will never know what is that point. But my research on death, and death by wish, on thanatos, cryptos and hypnos, seems to be in the right path to "understanding".

Anyways, what a day it was, besides the regular "coming to office and going back" schedule, i went back, washed the utensils, got the fish and stuff, cooked, ate cleaned up, despite i knowing that any moment if i stopped my wish to keep it going, i would drop dead. Is that what Kipling meant when he said, " If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew, and serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on, when there is nothing in you, except the will which says to you hold on. "


Dunno, morning i wake up as i wished to on time, at 7 in the morning, it was a surprise, maybe the tiredness of the whole day's schedule got me a good sleep in the night, and it meant that waking up was not a problem. Rings up the help maid saying she wont be able to come. THats the first piece of good news, i got to hear to start the day with. It means today will be another struggle. Another of those routines, of every minute thing on your own. Gotta keep my calm all of today and tomorrow and day after and likewise.

On the train, meeting PB, and talkign to him abt batchmates where they are was good. Alighting found her alighting too, i am sure she noticed me as much as i had noticed her, but then, despite the initial flutters, i think i am steady.

This space of mine is a good friend. I gotta finish the doc for sister and that is about the major work that of day, beyond the routine schedule of writing this and that and this and that.

Think chirantan, think, think hard, and try to justify your worth of being and doing what you love most -- writing, you wont get a second chance.

That is it, for the morning, dunno if i will be coming back in the evening, but then i am sure this space would be there with me, wont you be, dear friend:)

`thechild.