jotting down of moments.

sometimes i get ashamed of myself. my memories are getting shortlived and are building an inner system of priorities, sieving out the necessary ones and dunking the unnecessary ones.

i was never like this, since necessities are borne out of self interest and preservation, when was ever that a question to me! but perhaps life here the last 12 months has taught me that.


friday evening was such a momentous one.
whole of the day, i ran around and completed my first big assignment in et. anchoring, contributing, editing, designing laying out a 4 pager is never easy. more so it was never easy for me with no such experience. i thank the force above for staying with me and getting me through this, despite all the blues accompanying it.

evening when work was over, arjun and myself went for a lovely movie 'Laws of Attraction'. there were some lovely lines in the movie, more so in the plot. its a must see for anyone reading this blogspot.

i will always cherish those lines pierce brosnan says to julianne moore. ' i might be a divorce lawyer but i dont believe in divorce. u gotta fight for everything in life, especially for forged relationships like marriages. where do couples have the passion they suddenly incite among themselves once they file divorce. and yes, then came the lines 'i might be called old fashioned, but for a person i love, i shud be selfless enough to give what she wants...' it was a stunner. becos just at that pt the mobile phone on my pocket stirred.

i had kept it on the vibrator mode. i knew it was friday, the day she was getting engaged. i knew there was a chance she would forget me for ever post that. i knew too she loves me, and might never ever forget me too. its true i love her, but it would be hypocrisy to say, i never dreamt of a life with her. i just cudnt help if she cudnt visualise it together. but the mobile phone read "I got engaged today. Thanks for your good wishes."

Oh i could see efforts on her part to become formal with me, to forget whatever we have had, and i didnt want to be an impediment here. i prayed god give her the best moments of her life from now on, so what if it is without me. a few minutes down the line she rang, spoke, i didnt know how involved i shud get. after all there is another person in her life, to whom i wud be causing grave injustice. i tried to remain as nonchalant as i cud, and she well, what could she have done.

anyways, that was that fr friday evening, another phase of life over, another innings, time to take fresh guard, for what i know not! is it all worth it sometimes i wonder! my mom says it best, HE above takes all these tests, but how long. how long will we keep suffering ourselves.

in the night with my frd i had a big beer bash. i drank to my hearts bitter content. and i was smashed. i didnt have the nuts to return back, but return i did. took a bath and slept off, it was a blissful nights sleep, the stars above perhaps blessing us both, she with somebody else and me as of now alone.

saturday sunday minor events kept occuring, i didnt want to ring and bother her. am really clueless abt whatever will happen to sister alongside. she keeps msging those smses which speak of utter hopelessness in her voices. is there a way out! oh force, is there a way out!!!

and then over lunch today i got reports that shes back, and she doesnt look jolly, shes tired.
come on, i cudnt do this. she is not upbeat i gotta to take care of her i thot and rang her up...


as time goes on, i know i am doing things that have no rationale behind them. i was advised by my horoscope readers that i shud be compassionate and wise, compassionate i was, wise maybe i will never be able to with her...

anyways thats it for the day. ever since morning trying to wrap up home respos...finalising acco place and all the essentials self preservation details.

in the morning when i took the churchgate local, i think i faced life in a new vigour, handing with just a few fingers outside the compartment, and knowing that a minor shove here and there life is gone...

why preserve myself i was thinking..preserve i did. working in office i am. rung her up, i did.

and life with its moments will go on i know....

`thechild.