...Just pick the Shiny one..

Aab Use Dil e - Tabah Ki,
Halaat Naa Poochiye,
Benaam Aarzoo ki, Lazaat Naa Poochiye,
Ek Ajnaabi tha, Rooh Kaa, Armaan Ban Gaya,

Ek Haadsa tha pyaar ka, Gumnaam ban gaya,
Manzil kaa Raasta koi mujhe,dikhla gaya koi,
Yoon Zindagi ki Raah Mein, Takra Gaya koi....

Yoon Zindagi ki Raah Mein..

What a day! so surreptitious, yet so subtly profound, what a day!

But before i proceed - here i paste for future reference -- an interaction with a lady over the phone. Have not been able to tune myself into the Chetan Bhagat books, but here is an experience real time. She (again name undisclosed) works for a travel agency, in delhi, helped me get the the travel tickets back home. Its 5 in the morning there back in Delhi, and i believe the day after the budget, which talks of India shininig and rising and all that, has been doing so all these last few years...

I am wondering though, slowly how, they are sucking in, all such nice youth of India, with such work hours. I remember, once having heard of the fact, how, India's culture, that of waking up early mornings, doing the religious rituals, prevalent in the yester years, will undergo a sea change with these strange working shifts that the Outsourcing wave has brought in. And add to that, the rampantness i have heard people telling me about the life too, with such work hours introduced.

Its 6 in the evening for me, and this lady at 4 in the morning, servicing me quite meticulously seems to be so much at elan with herself!

Just a few hours ago, i again messed up quite naturally, as to which door knob to turn while entering my building. Here, everything is the other way around, and when i am lost, i just forget that its not the right one, but pick up the other one most times...Most such things i have noted over these last few months are the opposite -- the electric switch pushed up to switch on, the roads u follow the right, and the water tap, you turn the opposite way too...Nowadays i tend to ignore the specifics even, but let me not continue the digressions.time to enjoy the conversations pasted below:

Oh yes, why the shiny one, cos, the person entering from the other side, today taught me a nice lesson as to how to remember which door/knobs/switches/roads to go on or follow...Just remember the shiny one, the one more used with hands, the shiny one! So...

Here you go then:

--
from SS..
--
Dear Mr.Chatterjee,
Namaste and Greetings from MakeMyTrip!
Thank you for visiting our website and trying options, suiting to your travel plans.
Based on your search details, we have learnt that you have tried to make a reservation but due to certain reasons, you were unable to do the same.
We have tried to understand your travel plan and have worked out the below option: -- bla bla bla...
--
from me to SS
--
Thanks S..

You have been of great help. We talk tomorrow about the payment.
How do i receive the tickets? Hope there wont be any problem, if i pay you first and wait for the tickets subsequently. Also you wanted to send me something on the 'payment details' - nothing in this email. Is it possible in any way -- that i send you a cheque ? (in case I dont want to trouble my friend)
Please let me know.

Thanks again,

Cheers
Chirantan
--
from SS to me
--
As these tickets will be paper ticket so we will Fed-ex that tickets on your mailing address, for your convenience I will provide a fed ex tracking number so that the tickets can be tracked once dispatched.
There will not be any problem in this.
Thanks
S.
--
from me to SS
--
Hi S,

That sounds good. Thank you.

My mailing address:

Chirantan Chatterjee,
Doctoral Student,
c/o Ms Carole McCoy
H. John Heinz III School of Public Policy & Management
Hamburg Hall, Carnegie Mellon University
5000 Forbes Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA 15213-3890
Tel Mobile - 001-412-720-8128.
Am getting back to you tomorrow on the CC details.

Cheers,
Chirantan
--
From SS to me
--
Hi Chirantan,

Thanks for your prompt reply. And one more as you are asking about Aerosvit Airline; it’s a 3 Star airline.

And airline is almost like our Air India. So I think not that much bad.

Thanks
S
--
from me to SS
--
S -- not that much bad, but not that much good either. As a student i cannot complain though, thanks dont worry, am fine by it...as an Indian one tends to finally leave everything to destiny - Karma. Hain naa!

Chalo, i will get back to you! I am your client and perhaps professionally i am not supposed to say this, but i am touched with your service.

Now go get some quick sleep -- the kinds doctors get when they do night shifts in the hospitals! :)
--
from SS to me
--
Oh Thanks A Lot.
Hey please don’t say client all this…………….bada ajeeb legta he.J
No don’t leave anything on destiny.
My shift is going to over after half an hour then only I will sleep.
Chalo……………….bye for today.
Nice to talk with you.

Thanks again.
Byeeeeeeeeeee, S.
--
from me to SS
--
:) ok ok wont say. chalo, bye!
--
and i just got the last one, time: 8 by my clock should be 6.15 in the morning, there in Delhi from SS to me
--
Ok thanks

Bye!
--

time for the few beginning lines from the Mehdi Hasan ghazal...


Yoon Zindagi ki Raah mein,
Takra Gaayaa Koi,
Yoon Zindagi ki Raah mein,
Takra Gaayaa Koi,
Ek Roshni naa der mein,
Bikhhra Gaya koi,
Yoon Zindagi ki Raah mein,
Takra Gaayaa koi....

~Yoon Zindagi ki Raah Mein...

..Walking with You ....in the setting Sun...

No, i dont remember anymore
No, i dont remember anymore
I row and row my boat,
singing the songs of the river
No, i dont remember anymore

I used to row with my youth
Singing songs as i sat on the banks
So much music, full of joy and sadness
Floating all around
Today, No, i dont remember anymore


So many years have passed
this all, with strength of my hands, My oars,
dont listen to them old anymore,
No, i dont remember anymore,
And I row and row my boat,
singing the songs of the river..
But no, i dont remember anymore...

Walking in the sun with a beautiful lady could be the most refreshing of experiences. Whichever way life goes, that is the truth, always, forever.

She was beautiful today, curly tresses flowing, her goggles tucked up, excited about life, talking to me about her years, from almost a decade back.

I did feel like touching her, her fingers, or her hair, and rearranging them, a little, when she almost seemed to well out pearls of tears from the depths of her immense pain.

Or just stand behind her, gently holding my hand around hers, when in her black coat, she stood shivering in the little cold, that the setting sun and the darkening evening ushered on us.. we kept standing, waiting for the traffic signal to allow our ways.

Walking in the sun, with a beautiful lady, immensely radiant in her soul, and her stories, and her walks, and her chirps, could be but no one's but god's gift to you...the most refreshing of experiences.

This an ode to that walk, though tomorrow i might no longer remember you, or this walk with you in the setting sun, still walking in the setting sun, with you, signora was one of the most beautiful experiences.

~May god bless your beauty, lady!

..From the Other Side of Monangahela...

The Other Side of the River

--
Plunge my oar in the water I take your oar in mine.
I believe that I have seen a light on the other side of the river.
The day will little by little turn cold.
I believe that I have seen a light on the other side of the river.

Above all, I believe that everything is not lost.
So many tears, so many tears, and I am an empty glass...
I hear a voice that calls to me,
almost a sigh: It rows, it rows, it rows!
In this edge of the world which has us imprisoned is useless.

I believe that I have seen a light the other side of the river.
I, seriously, am rowing, and inside, I smile.
I believe that I have seen a light
on the other side of the river.
---


dont know who wrote the first mail...and I loved rudrayani..what a wonderful name!!!!!...but I am happy,but also a little sad and a little jealous....about all thats happening...all the people who love you..I hope they really do...and for all the people who inspite of not being a part of your integral life,want your good.....but I am sad too...

Maybe we both are intrinsically very different human beings...born to the womb of the same mother...you feel and keep those feelings nicely wrapped,I feel,and I move on...maybe is it because women are essentially meant to flow?never asked any woman freind about it...My emotions are like thunders which come and go,like the river which doesnt know its destination,but just flows...yours is like that mountain which stands the test of erosion,wind,sun...and life......I donot want to go into which is nice, which is better.....but sometimes I really feel like being the mountain...which i never might be....sometimes I want to be just as good a human being as you...and not that blob of matter that I reduce myself to...is this self of yours a manifestation of staying alone for a long time?...I dont know.....

Sometimes when the river flows over the mountain maybe it does become a little too interlinked...so those times when I hurt your feelings..when I speak bad about people you love ,I just try to protect or more correctly gaurd you from those erosions...maybe truth,goodness still exists..we never get to believe it because we ourselves are moving away bit by bit from our own goodness....tai bhabtey bhoy lagey jey keu ashbey hoyto tor ei goodness take exploit korbey,manipulate korbey...you would either cut away that gangrenated part..or just stay mum....but bhoy hoy rey..because again you would keep thhose emotions nicely wrapped....

Right now we are at a stage,where we might embark on different journies...and I might not be close physically to you..maybe another person might come and sweep me away from this reality of mine..my ma my baba my dada...and this sense of "my" family.....but I just hope that we never forget ourselves.....

I would thank the commentators of the blog and rudrayani...for making me feel so close to my dada after a long long time........I wonder how every new birth,and every new emotions can make such difference....
love you



My closest ones, this one from pucchu, my sister darling, are writing at last and my patience with them is paying...Thank you, Oh Force! :)

And i would be missing something, if i dont chronicle this moment down.

The day: 23rd of February, 2006.
The place: Pittsburgh, along the eastern coast of the country called United States of America, in the western part of the state of Pennsylvania.
The writer: me.
The readers: All my friends, my sister darling, from whom comes extracts of the above thoughts she sent in an email, after she read my blog.
The last few hours: Have been as mishti - sweet as the past. Full of profound emotions. J writes a tearful email, i take a walk and lunch with SN who tells me of how sometimes there is a feeling of, just leaving everything and starting the 'walk', of the goal one reaches in life, being the 'living dead. SN is one of the nicest human beings i have ever seen in life. Come back, read pucchu's email. And i try to question, if i am indeed a mountain, that she sees in me, and she the river, or she becoming like the mountain, and i the river or somehow from our darling maa's womb, we have started this entire journey, of the rivers or the mountains...or was it all from something more, from that land the sole resident of which is the Force, beyond those rivers and the mountains.

Just dont know, if a poem could capture this enough, maybe it will come, for now i have nothing much, but to note this happening, and leave you with the poem above, the translation of Al Otro Lado Del Rio..from the movie, The MotorCycle Diaries, meaning 'The other side of the River'.

Then i go to:
http://www.motorcyclediariesmovie.com/home.html
click on Venezuela on the top right corner.
click on the 'Music Player'.
a new window opens with buttons for forwarding songs and increasing the voice levels.
I listen to the following songs.
a. Chipi Chipi
b. Al Otro Lado del Rio - The Other Side of the river
c. De Ushuaia A La Quiaca

In that order. Now i really need some sleep. Yesterday evening i had a strange dream. I was in Durgapur at home, shouting, making strange but laughable jokes with maa-baba-bon, living life i always did, then the sleep went off, i came back to Pittsburgh with eyes open, and while ordinarily, the realisation would have brought pain, this time, it brought a strange sense of complete transition.

Rivers always had a special place in my emotions. From the Damodar where i had to undergo my sacred thread rituals back home in Durgapur, to the Ganga in Roorkee where many years ago with Raj, dunno where he has dissappeared in life, we talked on the 'Rule of 3' in leading life, to the Hooghly back in Kolkata, one crosses daily, after arriving in the Howrah station from Durgapur, to Thakuma (grandmother) narrating her and the family's escape over the Podda, Meghna and Jamuna in Bangladesh back in Haridwar during our Kedarnath trip, or in Mumbai -- oops cant remember a river! :), (except offcourse at Murud and Harihareshwar), to the Teesta when last year with B i had been to the North Bengal mountains and plains, and then the gigantic Brahmaputra with its flickering Namaste to me, as we visited Guhawati too, to now Pittsburgh, and its threesome, Monangahela, what a nice name, Ohio and Allegheny...

Today I dont find it too hard to believe, after i wake from my dream, to live, to start the walk again, fully understanding how now i am on the 'Other side of the River', this time the Monangahela...:)

Only an Indian song, can capture the emotions running through me now! And yes Maa would have i am sure.

Dil to hain Bezubaan
Dil ki Sunaaon Naa
Aate jo Dil mein Hain
Hoto pe Laao naa,
Shaamo Ho yaa, Saher Ho,
Dil mein tum har pahr ho,
Saathiya...

~Palkein Jhukaaon Naa, from Saher....

....tears for writing or writing for tears....

--
Hi

I keep reading your blogs. I actually dont understand much. Not to say that you dont write well......I think you really are a good or even a great writer. because when i read what ever you write i get the same feeling which i got when i read great people's work. maybe all great people have a similar style. or a different explanation could be becasue of my poor english. I guess the former is right.

While reading your blog i started thinking if writing makes me happy or sad. was wondering if these are your personal thoughs/feelings why would you want to share it with others. again, not to say you shouldn't but i wouldn't do that. i dont share much, unlike you. probably beacuse i think that people would only look to enjoy my misery and feel extremely sad when i express happiness. thats the way people are. they hate to see others happy. i just dont share anything with them. especially to strangers. i wanted to post comments on your stories....will do it sometime.

i think you are just too good. you are esentially a very good human being. someone whom the wind of emotions just sweep you off your feet. you suffer because you think the world's a fair place. both of us know it aint.

i feel so happy to have spent those 6 months with you. i must tell you that i was the same sensitive guy like you were. i had faith in god, had some values, laid premium on words like "character", "morals" etc. and i changed and am still changing, to be just one among this ocean of people who i call losers. they must have accumulated wealth, friends, fame but they are all losers cause they traded their values to achieve all this.

i want to refrain myself to be one among this mob. its not too difficlut either. or i feel maybe that i am better off being in the majority than minority cause the minority never get the fair deal.

your blogs touch me cause i can see what you are going thru, what you feel and the child in you. shall i say - "grow up and be a man" or shall i let this child think the way he does and fell the way he does. I really do not know.


`nameundisclosed...



---
Long back, long long back, when i first wrote my smallest poem in a dilapidated diary, an old LIC one, with yellow pages, i never knew, writing would ever bless me with so many friends.

Having travelled and stayed in quite a few places, have met and mixed and got drenched or have been juggled around, as i shared walks and strides with men and women. If anyone asks me, why i still have persevered in continuing to write, it seems to me, that it is only writing, in this world, who still, despite it all, knows my original me and is my BEST friend.

The me who trotted or cycled to school, the me who exulted at exams, or despaired at not getting a 100 in mathematics, the me who shied away from girls in school even if one or two of them felt like ladies whom i could aspire for, the me, who saw the first X-rated movie much to the internal horror and self-guilt of having seen one, the me, who travelled vulnerably and apprehensively out of home more than 9 years back, the me who waded through the principles of engineering college orientation - call them 'ragging' in India, the me who slapped a close friend for coming drunk and smoking in my hostel room, and the same me, who made a volte face with his first beer, and first smoke and first dope soon after, the me, who feared nothing to reveal he smokes to his parents, the me who stood devastated at sister's tears, the me, who saw women come and go by in life, and risen up and fallen again and again and again.....:)

Sometimes, i know, i am no longer the same 'me' and perhaps i would have died, physically, had not writing kept that 'me' of 'Me' alive...

While just a few posts away i was contemplating, giving up blogging, this email from a friend i know, and at the same time, somehow i thought i didnt know, affects me. Maybe it is the Force's gift trying to say me, to continue to write.

Let me not know anybody. But as long as my writing knows everybody else, and forms the bridge between the unknown me, and the known not-me, others, and make them write such lines to me, i will bow to technology and stuff like internet and blogs and all of the entire chain for what else, but dear old, beloved writing!

A song, soulful Hariharan in Khamoshi singing, Baahon Ki Darmiyaan, and a poem written sometime back to end with...

~amflushedwithtears, thank god there is nobody around! :)


Maybe--
The child who saw you
with your eyes is lost
where do you search for him
maybe here, maybe nowhere

The child who bowed before you
wants now a bow from
others, a role reversal,
they the children, he the grown up

The child who stole a glance
from you, now has forgotten
to steal, looks straight,
wanting back, no less straighter stares

So are you the child, who
wants to see me with my eyes,
where do you search for me,
maybe here, maybe nowhere.
---

2 Rudrayani.

An excited new father, and a close friend writes this to me about the new born lady in their lives. That is the father, the mother's lives. I use initials to avoid breaching of privacy.


"But, Shri Chirantan, this mail is to give the big news ! Pe.. and I have been blessed with a little daughter. Rudrayani Basu-Mukherji made her entrée on 18th Feb 2006, kicking and squealing. I was there with these two beautiful ladies in the delivery room, and their elemental struggle was a humbling experience for me.

Your Pe...di is fine. Though it was a normal delivery, there was some incision necessary, and her stitches are very painful, and she is sore all over, but the docs / nurses are saying that she will recover in a day or two. They have come back home yesterday.

Rudrayani is a fastidious little creature, as impatient and loud as her mom :-). But like her mom, she has these two lovely eyes, and when she stares at you, it just makes you go all mushy--check out the pic. "

-- Affly, Ra...Da..

What can i write? Your excited papa darling has this to share. Let me for the moment bow to you, Rudrayani! :) Welcome to the world, i will one day visit and play with you, promise! And yes, when you start understanding human language, i will tell you then, that in this world, you should keep your eyes open for the light and ears open for the music.

~once a quiet child...

To blog or not to Blog ...To Create or to Destroy...

To be or not to be, --that is the question:--
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"

~From Hamlet, Shakespeare.

There are tons to write. But dont have the time. The same old story!

For now, that same question. What is more satisfying? Creating or Destroying? What came first? The chicken or the egg? I or the world outside of Me?

A lovely the other side of the river take on Blogging, for now to leave with.

http://news.ft.com/cms/s/384be1be-9eb1-11da-ba48-0000779e2340.html

Thinking, if i shall continue blogging. May i remember the ideas i want to write at leisure. In this space or on the pages.

Amen..

Spin-offs, VCs, Parents & Capitalism...But where's my fairy!!!

Sometimes in life, a day passes by, in such solemnity, that you realise that, each moment is prophetic, each moment is analytic, and each moment is solipsistic.

Such was the day, yesterday, had intended to write on the moments earlier, but then, could find the inclination, the real inclination, only now.

Enough!!!!!!!!! lets get to the story.

The story is here, that in my area of study, researching the innovative capacity of firms, industries, nations, and together with that, entrepreneurship and cultural aspects, through which the world keeps moving in money terms and developmental terms, i keep attending, interesting talks all the time at the university.

Such was one talk, given by our Chair of the programme, Professor Steven Klepper.

The subject of the presentation was: Capitalism and Spinoffs (based on a study of the laser, automobiles and tire industry in United States) An aside: i must now, quite quickly pick up and read this particular book!

This far: this sounds pretty boring, aint it!

Ok: So let us quickly pen down a small-quick, 'few sentences' story. It is believed that, regions/nations/cities/states posess a capability to move ahead in terms of development, if there are a lot of industries around.

How would such industries come by! Observation: through large companies. How do large companies come about? Either starting from 0. Or through spin offs, set off by daring entrepreneurs, who were previously working in large companies, but now decide to start something on their own.

Spin offs thus, are one of the key ways in which entrepreneuralism is observed in modern society. They keep industries cropping, taking regions/cities/nations ahead, let us not try to define ahead for now.

Professor Klepper thus has studied these spinoffs, attributed economic theories, as to what makes better spin offs, and how the parent companies are affected/not affected once these spin offs are formed, and which kind of industries, are more prone to spin offs, and what kind of cultures -- Japanese, United States, Indian, Korean -- too! This among various other such stuff.

So why do i write about all this, in a space, which has till date remained the sole property of a quiet child, disinterested in worldly 'claptrap'.

Well as said, yesterday was prophetic/analytic/solipsistic.

Point is: After hearing, the simple hypothesis on spin off studies, by Prof Klepper i decided to extend them to my personal life.

India, in the last few years let me say around 10-15 years, has seen a number of economic and to add to it, social and cultural changes. Amidst all of this, societal patterns have evolved, conventions for marriages have kept changing.

People, they have been doing that always, debaters will add here, but now ever more increasingly and acceptingly, have started living 'their' lives, been more unique and self-conscious about rights, choosing their own partners, becoming more fearless and entrepreneurial in their style of living.

There you go a link to tie it to my own life. While the external world, around Indian cities, and their culture now speak of an environment where consumer is the ruler, capitalism evokes romance, and 'living one's life' is the buzzword, martyrdom/socialism still is the mantra, internally in the Indian families, much like in mine, as if there always has been a for 'the next generation' kind of socialist bent.

Do things, only with an eye on the long run.
Do things, never irking your elders, taking their blessings, or incurring their disrespect.
Start thing naturally, not through any kind of experimentation/imposition.

Things as in -- say for example choosing a partner. Choose somebody whom everybody loves, blesses, is proud to showcase as one of the family. U are the last man, though remember it is your partner who is being showcased here. Never mind, that is the socialistic bent in the families, so what if the environment gets laced with capitalism's cadences.

Ample wanderings. Let me just state out some observations in the end.

a. Spin offs -- need venture capital -- a capitalistic society where information and smart men, rule, think they can start life and living on their own. There is still a paucity of venture capital, in families, majority of them still. After all, most of us, are from the Great Indian Middle Class. Aint we!

b. Quality parents -- normally recruit/bear quality offsprings -- who can turn out to be smart women/men, rulers, but then -- when they start thinking of spin offs, quality parents suddenly start behaving in a risk averse manner.

c. Risk averse cos, they want to nullify all possible risks, that for example starting a new venture by their spinoff/child, might bring forth. Somewhere not understanding, that after all every spin off is a gamble, some become a Google, some might just languish in the dustbin of history. But then everything is a gamble, always.

d. There are spin offs/children who realise their roots, very soulfully/really. People, who understand, that only this much could be done, to strain the ties, between the parent company and spin offs, and the compellingness of moving out, is drowned by a sense of loyalty/reciprocation/obligation towards the parents.

e. It will be for time to judge who among these --- staying back not spinning off children, or the moving ahead spun off children, were among those who did things fair and good. Not for themselves, but for the greater common good.

A good in which to me, there will be a world where everybody is still smiling, with a hope to live and not to die!

For now, let us end this gibberish and give myself a rest too. It has been really painful writing this. I should have written earlier, the way it has turned out, is complete muck!

In the spirit of what i live by these days, let me resign saying, 'never mind'!

and before i end -- a spirit which i seem to have inculcated from Lewis Caroll and her poem, My fairy, i paste below:

MY FAIRY

I have a fairy by my side
Which says I must not sleep,
When once in pain I loudly cried
It said "You must not weep."

If, full of mirth, I smile and grin,
It says "You must not laugh;"
When once I wished to drink some gin
It said "You must not quaff."

When once a meal I wished to taste
It said "You must not bite;"
When to the wars I went in haste
It said "You must not fight."

"What may I do?" at length I cried,
Tired of the painful task.
The fairy quietly replied,
And said "You must not ask."

Moral: "You mustn't."



~aquietchild..

Erase me too!

"The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think."

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it."

this 2 the moment.....n just to the moment..

From where, by whom, when, how, for what i dont know.

But this is how it happened. I narrate verbatim.

Timing of class: 5.30 pm in the evening. Walks in, Professor Vogt, Professor Bill Vogt. He teaches us Econometrics.

Backgrounder: Third Lecture of this subject in this semester. My first serious course in mathematical economics. Till date, i have been weak in mathematics, ever since after class 10, equally skeptical about mathematics, as it is applied to engineering studies or social science studies. Have always believed numbers can never can capture the true story.

Start of Class: Simple stuff, let us not get into the details of it. But we start going deeper and deeper into the simple stuff. After a point, we have a ten minute break. Professor returns, till then, whatever he taught in the first one and half hour of lecture, proclaims, doesnt capture the 'real world' enough. Squashes whatever he taught, till then, moves on to a new theory. And here it is when things start becoming interesting.

A new paradigm of life: When God, Truth, Reality, infinity, meshes itself all up, and appears not in the beginning of a moment, not at the end of a moment, but very much on tiptoes, in the middle of the moment. Precisely what happened here too. We talked of God, the class, the professor, of the experimenter, of truth, and reality, and when it all ended, i was sailing in it.

Sailing in the entire feeling of the 3 hour lecture. With a new kind of feeling.

- That reminded me of Dadu, from childhood days, and how he used to suck me into Onko (mathematics) with the excitement of a child.

- Reminded me of people like him, and very few other people (actually perhaps no one), who are walkers in the pursuit of knowledge. Yes, Professor Vogt is one such gentleman, quiet, unassuming, starts on the blackboard, with a chalk in hand, armed with his boyish charm, and with stating of the initial conditions. And then goes on and on, in a lovely rhythm of his own. In between he asks the stupidest of questions, to us, we are so enthralled, that we almost forget to answer, and he stands red-faced and says: "As much stupid as the question of mine might sound, here i wait for the answer still." His face, ashen, cherry, waiting, in its own, methodical patient, worshipping manner, that people fall in love with mathematics.

He reminds me in his quietitude of a close friend, Bhatta of mine, but even bhatta is not as calm, still, must add bhatta might one day be, that Professor Vogt is.

At the end of it all, i remind myself, that here i am. Sitting in his class, conversing mathematics, again, with a childlike charm, and worshipping this new life of mine, for all it is giving me.

Each of these moments, as they come unheralded, unannounced, and sweeps me off my feet. Much Like God. To God then, a request, please do stay, i am in need of you, sweeping me over and over again.

What else can i write here! Nothing much. Be silent and go through the entire experience, and start learning, what i can, so that i can start implementing some of it, if not all of it, slowly in my life. Pass it on to my next generation, if i am blessed with one such, that feeling too.

So till the next time, here to, God, Reality, the experimenters, Professor Vogt who has walked quite some distance and us, who have just started the journey: I dedicate this Bengali song, written by Robindronath Thakur.

Towards you, Oh Lord,
let all my love find their pourings...
From you, let all my deepest hope,
find their hearings...

My soul, where and when it stays,
May it listen to your urgings,
Let all the ties get torn,
all in your calling, Oh Lord..

These exterior begging plates of mine,
Let this all end entirely, this time,
So that my interior gets secretly filled up,
In this blessing of yours, Oh Lord

Oh friend of mine, Oh my most inner self,
In this life, all that is beautiful,
Let it all rhyme out today in music
in your song, only in your song, Oh lord

Towards you, Oh Lord,
let all my love find their pourings...
From you, let all my deepest
hopes, find their hearings..


Amen, Pronam..

~a quiet child.

An Imagined Conversation

An Imagined Conversation
--

At the library today,
both of us
were working,
and reading

eyes on the page,
your hair, settled,
from its colour, life
i could smell all of it

time came, the closing hours,
we wrapped our work,
ready to leave,
nothing exchanged between us two

Came out,
looked at the falling snow,
you came, stood beside me,
nothing exchanged between us two

You could have asked,
Are you an Indian, and me,
are you an European,
nothing exchanged between us two

Stood in silence,
looked at the snow,
both of us, together,
both of us, far apart,

Where we stood,
this safe life of ours,
homes far away, like our selves,
nothing exchanged

When i was a child, in school,
I had read a story,
talking of a time,
when aliens invade the earth

They discover a Mickey Mouse
video, amidst the pall of
snow that covered earth then,
leaving its actual inhabitants dead

Seeing it, they, the aliens
thought, that we,
you, me, our earthy
brethrens were like mickey,

Today, seeing the whites
surrounding us, wanted I,
to talk to you about mickey,
one, i had read as a child

yet, nothing exchanged
you walked away,
i, come here, and write up
an imagined conversation.

the '2 minute noodle' connection...

Yaa, my colleague here, from Ghana tells me, she remembers Maggi - the 2 minute noodle product from her school days.

This, on seeing the Maggi pack i had got from the local Indian store for my breakfast requirements.

A few days back she had told me, that she hasnt been home, for the last 8 years.

Am quite zapped, Maggi, the 2 minute noodle wonder, connecting school children from one part of the globe to the other. Connecting people, who have left homes, and school tiffin boxes, for a long time now.

Sometimes, the greatest of conglomerates, the greatest of MNCs dont even realise, how they have managed to unconsciously, through their products, managed to connect people.

Staying in their tiffin boxes, reviving themselves, like an accident, in unknown places, amidst unknown people, where we never thought we would be travelling to...

This short post thus, to the wonder of Maggi -- the 2 minute noodle connection.

Love,

`thequietchild.

when are you going to PICK me up????

Nope not me! but romel bhai...

A most respected senior PhD student here in my programme, from a small little country in the world, Bangladesh. A country which fights only for language, beyond religion or race or anything. Bangla. The land which gives my family and me, all the spirit i have known from dadu, thakuma, baba, maa.

And now i know what they are, Romel bhai is one such gem.

So the story here is: I was chatting today evening, with him, when he gets an anonymous call, from some unknown lady...with this question...

When are you going to pick me up....

What!!!! he said, we smiled, after the call got shelved...but what a profound question....

Just like this song..

...when are you going to Pick me up!!!

Let us pray for the world to decide when...

Amen..

...2 a new LIFE....

and a lost world....


My cousin brother, pistutu dada, has had a daughter. A small little baby daughter.

And what freshness this news brings to life. Everything else, seems so futile.

EVERYTHING ELSE. EVERYBODY ELSE.

Save this event. This event of life going on, babies being borne, yesterday a professor of mine, had his baby boy, (he cancelled classes, a rarity here, but now i know why), today this news of borda's baby daughter.

Life, and its never changing, always youthful parts, Here i bow to you!

love,

~aquietchild.



UTOPIA
--
Island where all becomes clear.
Solid ground beneath your feet.
The only roads are those that offer access.
Bushes bend beneath the weight of proofs.

The Tree of Valid Supposition grows here
with branches disentangled since time immermorial.
The Tree of Understanding, dazzling staight and simple.
sprouts by the spring called Now I Get It.

The thicker the woods, the vaster the vista:
the Valley of Obviously.

If any doubts arise, the wind dispels them instantly.
Echoes stir unsummoned
and eagerly explain all the secrets of the worlds.
On the right a cave where Meaning lies.

On the left the Lake of Deep Conviction.
Truth breaks from the bottom and bobs to the surface.

Unshakable Confidence towers over the valley.
Its peak offers an excellent view of the Essence of Things.

For all its charms, the island is uninhabited,
and the faint footprints scattered on its beaches
turn without exception to the sea.

As if all you can do here is leave
and plunge, never to return, into the depths.

Into unfathomable life.

~Wislawa Szymborska

"Satrangi Re"....

"Poetry is a phantom script, telling how rainbows are made, and why they go away"
~ Carl Sandburg

Tu hi tu, tu hi tu, satrangi re...
Tu hi tu, tu hi tu, man rangi re...

It all started on 28th last month. As days pass, and silence grows, it grows on me, and strengthens me. IT?? What is it. ah, we know what is IT. let us not specify and pollute it, with exact language.

I had forgotten about the date, reminded later on, though i have lived every moment of it through its happening. With myself, as truthfully i could, as fairly as i could, as goodishly as i could, with nobody else, here.

It has been a good living this one. After all cigarettes are gone now! What a momentous gift, she has given to me!!

~ Despite the screams. Silently, in night, on bed.

~ Despite the tears. That welled out, like lost pearls from the myriad corners in the soul.

~ Despite the daily acting. That one keeps doing, living life, attending school, wishing people, travelling places, doing everything that life makes u keep doing, not stopping the clock once. Making you live through it.

Just dont know why or what to whom for what i write all this. But it is time to pray. Maybe that is all i write this for.

To pray for patience. To be hopeful. To love, to endure, plagiarising here, but that is the truth. Endurance, thakuma used to say it, she also says the same thing.

Yes pray. Pray things shall work out fine this summer. Meanwhile some quick updates on life.

> Went to Washington DC.

> Wondered about Bush and White House, how trivial, how unnecessary, power, glory, money, fame, Bush might be having many sleepless nights for all decisions he signs, and never is able to enjoy the serene white house ..something he might have fought for as a politician all his life...

> Had a good time, cooking, chatting with some good people, whom i never knew this closely back at roorkee, but now life gave me an opportunity to savour their company. Shalini, Saurav, Ankur, Nitin, for that matter even Sushir, Nitin's Gujju roommate, a die hard gold digger, but whom i started admiring, despite that.

> Sometimes, i dont know, how some people, are so focussed about what they want in life. They JUST KNOW IT. Be it money. Be it power. Be it to be here in the US. Be it anything. Maybe i envy them, maybe i have to learn from them, how to put your mind off other things, and put it all on that One thing.

> Who will make that One thing dawn on you. Shall it be from outside, or from within you!

> By the way, becoming American, i guess. Watched Superbowl. Cheered Pittsburgh Steelers, as India played out pakistan in Peshawar. A shock, Shalini noticed it first, and me was shocked. At one of Nitin's friend's places, an Indian - with a hanging American Flag. Patriotism, or Hypocrisy! Acting sucks bigtime!!!

> Everybody tells me, be a bit, diplomatic. To get things in life. For what, i wont take anybody, anything with me. Hence, Never in my personal life. NEVER WILL I BE diplomatic.

> Shall be ruthlessly honest, to everybody around me. If words are to be spoken that is it. Or else shall be searingly silent. That is it. My pledge, my way of living my LIFE.


Take it, or you can walk on, i will too. As we all have been doing, so many years in history, we all have been doing...with the Satrangi watching and directing ....

From outside of us..from within us..

> Quite a enchanting movie, Rang De Basanti....and the experience of watching it, trillion miles from home, in an Indian theatre, with all indians, shouting Jai hind and all fake cries...

So signing off, to, Life or all that is left of it, my dear satrangi...Sandburg is so right. So precise.

so long..

~am i still the quiet child! :)

...Apatoto Iti....

Abar dekha jaabe, jeebon jemon deben, jeebon ke...Ei baar er Email ta.

----

Dear Ms Bhaduri...

Koyekta chotto kotha bolar jonno ei email.

Please nije bicholito hoben naa. Aapni hole aami ki kore matha thanda rakhbo. Taai noy ki?

Amaake aapni khub bhaloi chenen aami jaani. Aar aami o aapnake khub bhalo chini, ei amaar bishaash. Shei chena r shokti i bole, aamra thik i cholte thakbo. Endure kore, care kore, maa-baba-bon ke bhalobeshe, abaar abaar bhalobeshe, shobai ke.

Ei shob er moddhe diye bhogobaan bodhoy amar cigarette tai charate chailen. Baa hoyto eta o hote pare uni bojhalen, je tui jotoi shottyo ke dekhte paash, truth, joto din tui TRUTH ke tor shob cheye kaache r jon ke dekha te naa parish, naturally dekhate naa parish, aapnar bhashay, kaacher jonke, maa-baba-bon-aapna ke, toto din tui kicchu i nosh.

Prothom e kaache r jon ke dekhano r cheshta korechilam, ekdin prithibi ke dekhanor icche chilo. Shei icche ekhono aache, more jaay ni, eituku bolte pari.

Amaar pistutu dada r bhashay director hobar cheshta korechilam matro, kinttu shotti bolte director to noi, ei prithibi r, tai bodhoy jaa the Real Director deben taai mene nebo. Khub attohara hoye mene nebo.

Shunlam Rang De Basanti bhalo hoyeche. Okhane naaki khub bhalo ekta dialogue aache. Some people die in pain, some others in silence, and finally some others in their smiles, ba erom kicchu ekta. Kemon hoy eta jodi aamra nijeder jeebon eta ekta value/principle hishebe apply korar cheshta kori?

Aar ki likhi. Kaal anniversary r surprise party amaar couple bondhu, saurav-shalini r besh gelo. Bodhoy kaal aamra shobai mile oder garite Washington jaabo. Prothom visit to the power/politics capital of US. Dekhi homework shesh korte pari kina, taholei jaabo.

Aar ki. Amaar shotti mone hoy naa, golpe r iti ekhane i hoye gelo. Kintu haan hoyto, amader dik theke jaa korer taa hoye gelo. Ebaar aaste aaste shotti Director shaheb er haathe chere dite i hobe. She joto i kanna hok, joto i pain hok.

Onek din aage tumi amaay ekbar phone e bolechile, je you will be a good husband. Shei role ta niye i mail ta shesh kori, ki bolen Ms Bhaduri.

Kaashi kemon aache, aapnar. 11th Feb er jonno best wishes roilo, bhalo kore, dil diye, atta diye, gaiben. Prarthona korben, je director shaheb, ekbar dhoray obotirno hon, please. Uni hoyto ghumote paaren ki jaani baba, enader time bojha o mushkil.

Btw, tumi hoyto bhabbbe je aami ki scheming etc, kintu, aami shesh cheshta korte pichopa hoyni Moitrayee. Tomar gola r jonno, u need an ENT specialist. And baba is an ENT specialist having some scheduled sitting hours at RKM-Shishumongol. Jodi dekhate chao bolo.

Shedin shei professor der shommelon e, LBS er professor bolchilen about Sumantra Ghoshal. Onar ex colleague chilen. Bolchilen, the best part about sumantra, was he never imposed himself. Stated his point, but never considered himself beyond one vote. Eta kintu aapnar i spirit, Ms Bhaduri, keeping things natural, no imposition, just one vote, spirit e, not in any scheming mode. Janina, results, amake shobar i shonge ek i kathgoray danr korabe kina. Karon sheta r shomoy to aasheni ekhono, keno bhabbo sheta niye.

Tobu bolbo, onek diyechen aapni amaay, amaar torof theke onek dite cheshta korlaam, ami. Amaader golpo ki shesh hoye gelo, janina, atleast ei golper iti ki ekhane i, eta decide korer dayitto aapnar i bhashay abaar, aamra keu noi. Tobe ekta dhonnyobad janate chai.

Ektu joriye bolte chai, Moitrayee, tumi khali aamar noy, tumi shobar, ki kore khali amaar kore ni, bolo?

Bhalo theko, ekhono boli, chiro-ashabadi je:), parle wait koro, aami mail kore debo, amaar India te aashar dates.

~chironton.

...Moitrayee...

tumi bhalo theko...aar amaake nijer obortomaan e onek shokti diyo, jaate tomar ideals er poth e, she joto i kothin hok, taante aami cholte paari. Shara ta jeebon.

Onek bhalobasha,
Chironton.

Goodbye Poetry...

Goodbye Poetry
--

For the first time,
standing here I,
bid you a Good Bye
Poetry

Once, i owned you,
this last one, you fly,
owning me, ending first,
beginning last, name first, words last

Looking at you,
death last, life first
shall live today,
with no gifts to give

or to remember,
You and me, me and you,
Standing here, Saying,
Goodbye, Poetry.
--

Mother and God

Mother and God
--
A baby was there
at the post office today,
mother's child,
son of a god

I was standing
in line,
looking at him, waiting,
for parcel from home

He was travelling,
angrily getting photo clicked
trying a new card in front
a doll old in hand

And i watching
in the line,
relentless efforts,
not giving up to blend the new with the old

Smiling finally, not him, me,
looking at my receptionist
stupor-clad, taking her time,
giving my parcel, clock ticking

As that baby was there
at the post office today
a mother's son
and a god's child

--

Learning Forgiveness

Learning Forgiveness
--

Each lady i love,
reminds me
of you, who
last strolled by

I keep walking,
back, understanding
what love is, and
who a woman is

And who her child is,
Loving what her lap is
knowing how being a mother is,
and bearing a child is,

No longer the child
or the mother, forgive me,
when i love, not the idea
just to learn what forgiving is.
--

If, you want to ask

If, you want to ask
--
If you want to ask, what Pain is,
ask not yourself, but all,
who get pained by you,
and you will know what pain is

If you want to ask what learning is,
ask not yourself, but all,
who learn from you,
and you will know what learning is

If you want to ask what love is,
ask not yourself, but all,
who love you,
and you will know what love is,

while, If you want to ask
what Trust is, ask yourself,
and you will know
trust is somebody,

And, if you want to ask
what Time is, ask yourself,
and you will know
time is everybody

Not tired, still want to ask,
what Truth is, ask yourself,
and you will know
you are nobody.
--