the Heart/Mind matrix on April 1st 2005.

It was June 2nd 2003 when i the dreamy kid joined my current job as a writer. A business writer, they say. A business researcher, some others. Analysts some others still. It has been one of love and longing that has lasted and shall always remain.

Came 1st of April 2005. And i resigned. A plain simple letter talking of me bidding goodbyye and thanking one and everybody for all the experience i had been given to be a part of.


I am still not out of Mumbai - first week of June i should be. But its interesting to note how the Force designed things for me. I never wanted it to happen this way. But the force wanted it perhaps. For all the foolery the world played around with this child fool, he had designed April 1st 2005.

31st May is my release date. 2nd of June i complete 2nd year here. Yes i had been a fool. Not in believing people, each one of them. But in being unabashed in believing people. I guess with a little bit of circumspection one can bring the best out of even the baddest of people. Thats not foolery, thats wisedom.

More than that, people do matter but only to a certain extent. More than that its always you with yourself. Your mind with your mind. Your mind against your heart. Your heart against your heart. And your heart against your mind. One could so easily design a 2/2 matrix to explain the situation.

and the cost, benefits in each of the cells too.

There is no particular reason why i write it today.

Am i kicked that i did it on April 1st. I think only a lil bit, that much, which really doesnt matter to me.

Am i kicked that i am moving on. For a doctoral life probably, the force/god willing, else for something else that i know not as of now. Maybe maybe not. But tis certainly does feel light! feathery arent those the touches that moves the maestros fingers on the piano....the pianist with his piano..thats the feeling with me now..


Am i kicked that i am sad and dreamy again of changing the world and its people! not really, i know in a lifetime, this child can never do that. ANd i know i will be left alone in a lifetime with myself trying still to do that. But that essentially is my life.

Fighting with a heart. Which says you can change the world. The mind boxing back saying you cant, think of you, yourself and how best you can serve yourself in the situation.

Can somebody help me in doing a cost benefit analysis to this heart-mind matrix! Circa 2005.


no poems, today dear. no music, dear. just plain old writing and your feathery fingers on the keyboard.


`amen-thechild.