Dressed in blue checks, voice sombre wearing a gold dial watch, she came..
saying that she was a syrian christian, but i found her serene indeed..
closed though to her inner feelings..
she reads thriller and killer books
talks little listens more, judges and evaluates, a person
to her today i would dedicate these few lines too....
written hurriedly, but in no way just to fill up space
but to give her deserved space in my world.
For Mariam a poem.
Intensity,
Dean Koontz
Hope is the destination that we seek.
Love is the road that leads to hope.
Courage is the motor that drives us.
We travel out of darkness into faith.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
on the Old Mumbai Trail and Malwani Fish...n prayers for Gayatri
Gayatri completed her masters in '89. She is a Maharashtrian. Avid Mumbaikar. Today she took me on an old mumbai trail. I just loved the choice of malvani food she opened me up to.
Surmai and mandivili. Bombil and kokam juice. For just Rs 120 we ate sumptuously.
Gayatri is forgetful on the road. She could easily be trashed in by a car. She had a brain surgery some years back. About the same time when her brother and sister now living in Americas, got her broadband connection at home.
Much like me, she used the net to download a host of music, to my delight too, a lot of hindustani classical music. Those are her constant companions. She says, she used to frequent concerts with siblings around. Now, just once in a while, you need good company, to go more frequently dont you. I agree you do.
She buys some authentic Maharashtrian sweets too. She says these are stuff you would find in a Brahmin's house in this part of the country. Maharashtrian brahmins. We come back. Me absolutely doting on the fish and her delightful company. And the fact that i had lost my wallet and she very graciously offering me to treat me to the luncheon.
Gayatri stays in the old part of mumbai. She says her building might be brought down. They might have to shift - they - she and her parents. Her forehead is blank. Knowing her, i know it should not have been. I can see the now dissappeared sindur.
We didnt broach on that subject. Further on. Except a short sentence by her somewhere. Saying that, it happens in life, when u give it your all trying to understand a person, and then feel tired and have nothing more to give ..I nod. I have smelled that giving bit. Maybe not in entirety. But still smelled it for sure.
However, Gayatri is very peculiarly unemotional. She talks of lovely things of life with a nonchalance that i cannot understand. I know though there was a passionate she that is far tucked away in history. The history which saw her perhaps giving her love to somebody. History which saw her getting in an admission in the same school as me, albeit in a different programme. Didnt she need it more than me! I wonder. How blessed i am that i can walk on and she could not. Her surgery might be same as my walks...making me forget my memories.
Gayatri is my colleague at ET. Her memories with her brain surgery might have faded into the darkness of the human mind. Their artifacts still strewn here and there, surface as her emotional nonchalance.
Today she took me on the old Mumbai trail. In understated fish eateries, i am told she loves eating and making people eat new kinds of dishes. She loves Mumbai.
And i..i just bow to her today...for her spirit of existence. The child's bow -- to the Lady on the Mumbai Trail.....
I am nobody to judge/decide but i pray that god, the unknown force, gives her peace and joy, as much as she gave me ....today.
Surmai and mandivili. Bombil and kokam juice. For just Rs 120 we ate sumptuously.
Gayatri is forgetful on the road. She could easily be trashed in by a car. She had a brain surgery some years back. About the same time when her brother and sister now living in Americas, got her broadband connection at home.
Much like me, she used the net to download a host of music, to my delight too, a lot of hindustani classical music. Those are her constant companions. She says, she used to frequent concerts with siblings around. Now, just once in a while, you need good company, to go more frequently dont you. I agree you do.
She buys some authentic Maharashtrian sweets too. She says these are stuff you would find in a Brahmin's house in this part of the country. Maharashtrian brahmins. We come back. Me absolutely doting on the fish and her delightful company. And the fact that i had lost my wallet and she very graciously offering me to treat me to the luncheon.
Gayatri stays in the old part of mumbai. She says her building might be brought down. They might have to shift - they - she and her parents. Her forehead is blank. Knowing her, i know it should not have been. I can see the now dissappeared sindur.
We didnt broach on that subject. Further on. Except a short sentence by her somewhere. Saying that, it happens in life, when u give it your all trying to understand a person, and then feel tired and have nothing more to give ..I nod. I have smelled that giving bit. Maybe not in entirety. But still smelled it for sure.
However, Gayatri is very peculiarly unemotional. She talks of lovely things of life with a nonchalance that i cannot understand. I know though there was a passionate she that is far tucked away in history. The history which saw her perhaps giving her love to somebody. History which saw her getting in an admission in the same school as me, albeit in a different programme. Didnt she need it more than me! I wonder. How blessed i am that i can walk on and she could not. Her surgery might be same as my walks...making me forget my memories.
Gayatri is my colleague at ET. Her memories with her brain surgery might have faded into the darkness of the human mind. Their artifacts still strewn here and there, surface as her emotional nonchalance.
Today she took me on the old Mumbai trail. In understated fish eateries, i am told she loves eating and making people eat new kinds of dishes. She loves Mumbai.
And i..i just bow to her today...for her spirit of existence. The child's bow -- to the Lady on the Mumbai Trail.....
I am nobody to judge/decide but i pray that god, the unknown force, gives her peace and joy, as much as she gave me ....today.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Everybody Knows...
oshadharon..awesome!!
Everybody Knows - Leonard Cohen.
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died
Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows
Everybody Knows - Leonard Cohen.
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died
Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
The advent of a Television.
Consider yourself part of a family. Which occupies roughly 10-12 hours of your day each day in the year. Which makes up for a huge part of your associations around the life that you lead. Which gives the requisite branding for finding the ideal bride in life!
Such is the family of my workplace - ETIG -- let me not enunciate what the acronym stand for but come straight to the three worder - which perhaps sums up its ethos - that of 'trends analysis and foresight'.
I am nobody to take a call on what trends my workplace catches for the newspaper for which it is the research house. I am nobody also to comment on the robustness or newness of the analysis that ETIG does and neither am i anybody to comment on the foresight of people who make up ETIG - in colloquial english - my colleagues who come and go and some of them have parked themselves here - it seems for an eternity.
ETIG does offer some lovely safety and security in this big bad world.
But today i am writing not about anything else but the Advent of a Television. That in ETIG's quarters.
My previous mates who have all now left used to debate that perhaps we should have a TV around us. Like say other sections within the newspaper has. They were more boisterous, a more lively gang of people, ready to take on life in its spirit. Perhaps they never needed a TV to pep themselves up.
So hypothesis and analysis no 1. Kudos to the management for understanding the fibre of people and getting the TV at the right time.
Beyond that a TV also might have future ramifications. My current roommate who works with one of the world's foremost banks, says they too have a TV. The job of that box, idiot or otherwise i am staying silent on, is to entertain them with business news, and snippets of things (read cricket in India) happening around the world, live, deferred live, or scheduled to happen in future.
So in effect a TV is meant for them to forget the fact that their job means data entry which sometimes bugs them on a sunday, but never can, in the presence of the TV during weekdays. After all they might have a Tendulkar sixer to entertain them as their fingers constantly work on the keyboard to enter a huge array of numbers.
Hypothesis No 2 - Hence perhaps ETIG is moving to that domain, of being a bank's research house kind of an entity, maintaining huge loads of data. I dont know if i am fit for this kind of a movement, working in that kind of a setting. All that i can say is that for life i shall be scary of excel sheets. And perhaps hence, thank god, the TV comes, ETIG moves to that direction, and i move on with life too.
Finally, a TV also means the prestige of the section getting some sort of an elevation. Perhaps my mates, previous ones, no one around these days, would have loved this kind of an elevation, which i am not sure if it is more real or more comic, or more just for showing's sake. Whatever, good for ETIG the place to which i have developed some kind of an emotional bonding.
Now this writing is getting drab i know, and i must move on beyond hypotheses.
Here i dont have anything to say. Much. The only known addiction to a TV is the one i remember having with my sister long time back. When i was in school perhaps, we two used to crounge together in front of the box at around 10 in the night -- much to the consternation of my parents. And there the favourite series of ours used to come - 'The Truth Lies Out There' -- X Files...
Does the Truth lie out there, or in the TV set which glued us in during those formative ages?
Is there any truth at large in this world?
What is truth, is there a personal truth or an universal truth?
How is veracity/falseity different from similar to reality/perception?
That is what the advent of the Television brings me an end to. Questions for life perhaps. To which there is, i know, no definite, no obvious answer....
Amen..
`thechild.
Such is the family of my workplace - ETIG -- let me not enunciate what the acronym stand for but come straight to the three worder - which perhaps sums up its ethos - that of 'trends analysis and foresight'.
I am nobody to take a call on what trends my workplace catches for the newspaper for which it is the research house. I am nobody also to comment on the robustness or newness of the analysis that ETIG does and neither am i anybody to comment on the foresight of people who make up ETIG - in colloquial english - my colleagues who come and go and some of them have parked themselves here - it seems for an eternity.
ETIG does offer some lovely safety and security in this big bad world.
But today i am writing not about anything else but the Advent of a Television. That in ETIG's quarters.
My previous mates who have all now left used to debate that perhaps we should have a TV around us. Like say other sections within the newspaper has. They were more boisterous, a more lively gang of people, ready to take on life in its spirit. Perhaps they never needed a TV to pep themselves up.
So hypothesis and analysis no 1. Kudos to the management for understanding the fibre of people and getting the TV at the right time.
Beyond that a TV also might have future ramifications. My current roommate who works with one of the world's foremost banks, says they too have a TV. The job of that box, idiot or otherwise i am staying silent on, is to entertain them with business news, and snippets of things (read cricket in India) happening around the world, live, deferred live, or scheduled to happen in future.
So in effect a TV is meant for them to forget the fact that their job means data entry which sometimes bugs them on a sunday, but never can, in the presence of the TV during weekdays. After all they might have a Tendulkar sixer to entertain them as their fingers constantly work on the keyboard to enter a huge array of numbers.
Hypothesis No 2 - Hence perhaps ETIG is moving to that domain, of being a bank's research house kind of an entity, maintaining huge loads of data. I dont know if i am fit for this kind of a movement, working in that kind of a setting. All that i can say is that for life i shall be scary of excel sheets. And perhaps hence, thank god, the TV comes, ETIG moves to that direction, and i move on with life too.
Finally, a TV also means the prestige of the section getting some sort of an elevation. Perhaps my mates, previous ones, no one around these days, would have loved this kind of an elevation, which i am not sure if it is more real or more comic, or more just for showing's sake. Whatever, good for ETIG the place to which i have developed some kind of an emotional bonding.
Now this writing is getting drab i know, and i must move on beyond hypotheses.
Here i dont have anything to say. Much. The only known addiction to a TV is the one i remember having with my sister long time back. When i was in school perhaps, we two used to crounge together in front of the box at around 10 in the night -- much to the consternation of my parents. And there the favourite series of ours used to come - 'The Truth Lies Out There' -- X Files...
Does the Truth lie out there, or in the TV set which glued us in during those formative ages?
Is there any truth at large in this world?
What is truth, is there a personal truth or an universal truth?
How is veracity/falseity different from similar to reality/perception?
That is what the advent of the Television brings me an end to. Questions for life perhaps. To which there is, i know, no definite, no obvious answer....
Amen..
`thechild.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Resignation Letter.
My resignation from my first self-chosen assignment in this world. Beyond many such perhaps which shall come in years - here i upload it for future reference's sake.
To
Mr Ajay Jindal
Head, ET Intelligence Group,
The Economic Times,
The Times of India Group
Dated: 1st of April 2005.
Subject: Resignation as on 1st of April 2005.
Dear Sir,
I wish to submit my resignation from my current job as the deputy manager, at the ET Intelligence Group of The Economic Times.
My experience with ETIG, The Economic Times and The Times of India Group has been one of learning and valuable exposures. I am sure they will stand me in great stead for my future endeavors. I am thankful to you for all of that opportunity given to be a part of the legacy of this organisation.
Since I wish to pursue my higher studies starting from end of August 2005 I would request you to kindly grant me a shorter notice period of 2 months – than the stipulated 3 months as specified on my contract. I would hence like to terminate my services here starting from 1st of June, 2005.
I believe that within that period I shall also be able to delegate my responsibilities and ongoing projects to the able hand of my colleagues.
Expecting your cooperation, and thanking you for your kind attention.
With Warm Regards,
Chirantan Chatterjee
Deputy Manager, ETIG, The Economic Times,
Employee ID – 6728
Payroll ID – 00012686.
Joining Date in the Organisation: June’02 2003.
Copy to:
a. Mr Rajrishi Singhal, The Economic Times
b. Mr Arun Anant, The Economic Times.
To
Mr Ajay Jindal
Head, ET Intelligence Group,
The Economic Times,
The Times of India Group
Dated: 1st of April 2005.
Subject: Resignation as on 1st of April 2005.
Dear Sir,
I wish to submit my resignation from my current job as the deputy manager, at the ET Intelligence Group of The Economic Times.
My experience with ETIG, The Economic Times and The Times of India Group has been one of learning and valuable exposures. I am sure they will stand me in great stead for my future endeavors. I am thankful to you for all of that opportunity given to be a part of the legacy of this organisation.
Since I wish to pursue my higher studies starting from end of August 2005 I would request you to kindly grant me a shorter notice period of 2 months – than the stipulated 3 months as specified on my contract. I would hence like to terminate my services here starting from 1st of June, 2005.
I believe that within that period I shall also be able to delegate my responsibilities and ongoing projects to the able hand of my colleagues.
Expecting your cooperation, and thanking you for your kind attention.
With Warm Regards,
Chirantan Chatterjee
Deputy Manager, ETIG, The Economic Times,
Employee ID – 6728
Payroll ID – 00012686.
Joining Date in the Organisation: June’02 2003.
Copy to:
a. Mr Rajrishi Singhal, The Economic Times
b. Mr Arun Anant, The Economic Times.
the Heart/Mind matrix on April 1st 2005.
It was June 2nd 2003 when i the dreamy kid joined my current job as a writer. A business writer, they say. A business researcher, some others. Analysts some others still. It has been one of love and longing that has lasted and shall always remain.
Came 1st of April 2005. And i resigned. A plain simple letter talking of me bidding goodbyye and thanking one and everybody for all the experience i had been given to be a part of.
I am still not out of Mumbai - first week of June i should be. But its interesting to note how the Force designed things for me. I never wanted it to happen this way. But the force wanted it perhaps. For all the foolery the world played around with this child fool, he had designed April 1st 2005.
31st May is my release date. 2nd of June i complete 2nd year here. Yes i had been a fool. Not in believing people, each one of them. But in being unabashed in believing people. I guess with a little bit of circumspection one can bring the best out of even the baddest of people. Thats not foolery, thats wisedom.
More than that, people do matter but only to a certain extent. More than that its always you with yourself. Your mind with your mind. Your mind against your heart. Your heart against your heart. And your heart against your mind. One could so easily design a 2/2 matrix to explain the situation.
and the cost, benefits in each of the cells too.
There is no particular reason why i write it today.
Am i kicked that i did it on April 1st. I think only a lil bit, that much, which really doesnt matter to me.
Am i kicked that i am moving on. For a doctoral life probably, the force/god willing, else for something else that i know not as of now. Maybe maybe not. But tis certainly does feel light! feathery arent those the touches that moves the maestros fingers on the piano....the pianist with his piano..thats the feeling with me now..
Am i kicked that i am sad and dreamy again of changing the world and its people! not really, i know in a lifetime, this child can never do that. ANd i know i will be left alone in a lifetime with myself trying still to do that. But that essentially is my life.
Fighting with a heart. Which says you can change the world. The mind boxing back saying you cant, think of you, yourself and how best you can serve yourself in the situation.
Can somebody help me in doing a cost benefit analysis to this heart-mind matrix! Circa 2005.
no poems, today dear. no music, dear. just plain old writing and your feathery fingers on the keyboard.
`amen-thechild.
Came 1st of April 2005. And i resigned. A plain simple letter talking of me bidding goodbyye and thanking one and everybody for all the experience i had been given to be a part of.
I am still not out of Mumbai - first week of June i should be. But its interesting to note how the Force designed things for me. I never wanted it to happen this way. But the force wanted it perhaps. For all the foolery the world played around with this child fool, he had designed April 1st 2005.
31st May is my release date. 2nd of June i complete 2nd year here. Yes i had been a fool. Not in believing people, each one of them. But in being unabashed in believing people. I guess with a little bit of circumspection one can bring the best out of even the baddest of people. Thats not foolery, thats wisedom.
More than that, people do matter but only to a certain extent. More than that its always you with yourself. Your mind with your mind. Your mind against your heart. Your heart against your heart. And your heart against your mind. One could so easily design a 2/2 matrix to explain the situation.
and the cost, benefits in each of the cells too.
There is no particular reason why i write it today.
Am i kicked that i did it on April 1st. I think only a lil bit, that much, which really doesnt matter to me.
Am i kicked that i am moving on. For a doctoral life probably, the force/god willing, else for something else that i know not as of now. Maybe maybe not. But tis certainly does feel light! feathery arent those the touches that moves the maestros fingers on the piano....the pianist with his piano..thats the feeling with me now..
Am i kicked that i am sad and dreamy again of changing the world and its people! not really, i know in a lifetime, this child can never do that. ANd i know i will be left alone in a lifetime with myself trying still to do that. But that essentially is my life.
Fighting with a heart. Which says you can change the world. The mind boxing back saying you cant, think of you, yourself and how best you can serve yourself in the situation.
Can somebody help me in doing a cost benefit analysis to this heart-mind matrix! Circa 2005.
no poems, today dear. no music, dear. just plain old writing and your feathery fingers on the keyboard.
`amen-thechild.
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