out of fear or fearlessness ?

----
There as you stand, smoke,
And smoke and stand,
tall, strapping, hair unkempt,
fearless, loquacious,
you remind me of past days.

There used to be evenings,
not so long back, a year
there or after, when,
fear i had known none, today

not that i am afraid,
but the question of being so,
has walked past me,
as if,

lapping me up in the corner,
leaving that last iota of
travelling thoughts,
beyond fear or fearlessness

Me still not venturing,
or having ventured,
in a journey useless,
stand here still,

looking at you,
standing and smoking
and smoking and standing,
wondering why i am, where i am,

trembling,
out of fear or
fearlessness ?
----