| Fire Asha |

--
Dobhashi r dayitto niyechi,
likhte boshechi kobita,
banglay, ebong ektu, engreji,
Shironaam, Fire Asha.

Nischoy bolbi, dhong,
kobita likhe i khalaash,
kothay fire ashish tui,
kaar kaache ashish,
aashar icche ki shotti i aache tor,

Uttor to jani naa shona,
tobu likhi, fire ashi,
I come back, fire asha,
coming back

Cheshta kori naa,
uttor dite, amar dike
deyal er oi kon e boshe,
tui jokhon takiye jiggesh korei cholechish,


Fire ashi, ei kon e,
shuye, tor dike takai,
amar priyotomo tui,
janish, shomoy, jug, kaal,
praani ke koto boro theke,
koto choto kore dey,

Kintu dekh toke dekhe,
aami onuprerona pai,
Shunte pai, ekshomoy
tui naaki, prithibi dapiye berati,
ki guru gorjon tor,
aami i dhoritri r raja,
ekhon khali, tik tik, aar tik tik,

Maa bolchilo,
amar o naaki, golar gorjon,
hariye geche,
tui to amar bondhu,
bujhish nischoy keno,

keno, train ta jokhon,
chottobelar bhore r bhire r,
station e thame,
aashe naa kono chokhe jol,
hridoy e unmadona,
tobe ki shotti fire ashi,

firi, maa er kol e firi,
nischoyi, firi, icche thaka,
baa naa thaka shotteo, fire
aami ashi, eta onekta,

bari r briddho manush ta r,
shesh din gona r moton,
bachte i hoy, beche aachi,
firte i hoy fire ashi,

Aar pitpit kore takash naa,
amar je kicchu i hoy naa,
bhoy, lojja, shorom,
kicchui noy,
shudhu tor pit pit dekhte pari,
tik tik shunte pai,

cheshta korlam, toke bojhate,
je fire eshechi, kobita ta likhe,
dobhashi r kaaj niye, engreji teo
fire ashi, i come back,
bangla teo, shei fire asha, having coming back.
--

|Walking through the open skies|

An Open Sky


After all
the prayers
have been said,
and the tears shed
and the uncomfortable silences,
when we cannot respond,
endured
there remains
the soft, tender sorrow
that time does not heal.

And in that sorrow,
Fatah,
an opening
to the genuine sadness
of being alive ---
open to
the absolute necessity
of letting go
of everyone
and everything
we love.

we can close off
this deep sadness
or open
our tender hearts
so wide
that our heart
becomes as an
open sky ---

no borders,
nor boundaries,
just
an open sky.

---



In a couple of days more – the first chapter of the story shall be over.



A boy shall enter into intermission - much like movie show ones -- having tasted another un-tasted chapter of life. How was it like? Warm, nice, affectionate, slow, fast, alien, uncomfortable or what special adjective shall fit the bill?



Neither the boy knows, nor the writer of the story. Sometimes the boy wonders does anybody know anything at all. He looks at eyes of men and women, layered with various colors of the skin, looks at large cities and small, sits in long journeys in the buses or in trains smelling or perfumed. Nobody knows, they, much like him, seem like zombies walking the walks of life. Only the kids know and the simple village folks do. But then when was the last time he was with one of them, a small child or an unaffected simple working rustic fellow? He has forgotten.



What he remembers though is that the last year was another plunge he took. Was that by choice, or just that he was made to drift into here, this small city so many miles from what he knows to be home. He faced people who have migrated too, much like Siberian cranes as they do to escape the harsh winters. The people here from all around the world do that too – unlike winters they escape their pasts, the old roads from home, the hardships of a not so easy life back in what they call their home country. There is no home, noone’s own country, just where the heart lies, there shall the feet travel.



So where does the heart lie? Interesting question, wish he knew, or somebody knew, but maybe it lies just around the corner, ripped apart from the torso, throbbing still. He looks at it at the corner of the door, still pumping, not willing to die, despite failures in his life, myriad throwing around by fellow men or the feet becoming tired still. Today the heart lies and looks at its heartless body. Walking like a zombie. And then it looks at the open sky, cries with Rumi the poet:



No borders, no boundaries, just an open sky!



In a couple of days more, the first chapter of this story shall be over. He will be back into the skies again, kissing the clouds, travelling across borders and boundaries, crying up in the air, hidden from everybody, to see if there is any chunk of heart still left, from where his feet first started walking.

| Ruk jana nahin, tu kaahin haar ke, kaaton pe, chalke, milenge saaye bahaar ke |

---

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my advisory committee for their help and support during the years. Professor RP has always been on my side and her constant encouragement has been priceless in finishing my dissertation. She mostly helped me in modeling and empirical analysis, but her influence on my research and life is far beyond that.

Professor RT is one of the most dedicated and wise researcher we have ever seen. Thanks to his help in modeling, I am able to finish the third chapter of this dissertation with full confidence. And lastly, I cannot express enough gratitude for the support and encouragement by Professor AA. He helped me in every aspect of my research. He left a mark on my research style. And I will benefit from his influence immensely in my future research. He was the one that encouraged me not to take the shortcut, but challenge the best.

It is never enough to emphasize the importance of my family in my life. Without their dedicated love, life is meaningless. Particularly, my farther has been my life-time role model. He taught me no matter how difficult it seems, there is always a solution. He has not had the opportunities to devote his energy in research regardless of his thirst for knowledge and innovation. I would like to express my gratitude to him: ”You have been a great father, and this dissertation is also yours.”

Moreover, I would to thank the Heinz faculty. It was Professor RK who led me into this fascinating research field. Professor WV has offered his best effort in sharpening my empirical study skills.

Finally, I would like to dedicate my thesis to my homeland, China. I have been a proud Chinese throughout of my life. That never changed and will never change!
---


A few notables of life hopefully in order.

- Visited New York city, mingled with different kinds of people. Some newly in, boisterous eager to gell into the city. Some dearest ones, long timers, looking to settle down in life. And some others, talking about how to shift midtown and stay close to their working places.

- The city is huge, a totally different experience, imagine how it has been so for all these decades, a strange medlee of different cultures, and this is the city the other-world creators tried to attack and destroy. Capitalism, is this world, first make a different world dearests, and then you wont need to attack or destroy anybody, they would come and flock at your corner. Just like they did at the Big Apple. Saludos New York City am humbled by your show...

- Coming back, i met an angel on the bus. An upcoming singer from New York, a beautiful discussion we had, on life love and longing. That is how the strangest things happen in life. After a year of studies, there the interesting bit of life came back to me, on the bus, in a different land, but the feeling of travel and fellow travellers still the same.

- Pittsburgh, dear old pittsburgh, i missed you. Sorely missed you, and suddenly when in New York city, realised how i have neglected you. The secure confines that you have blessed me with, my desk at school, the research solace, am glad am here, i must not be as negligent as i have been till now with you.

- And finally, the 'acknowledgement' section, above. By a passing out PhD student in his dissertation. Some day, lady, yes i see you as lady, i will write one such page too. Till then, do be with me, despite my weaknesses, frailties and shortcomings.

- About 4 days from the travel back home, am totally full with emotions. Each note, each path comes back, the taste of the different fishes maa makes, the leaves of the trees in my city back home, the open spaces, baba, bon, maa, we all together after such a long time again....

I am coming darling! I am coming...but then, my lady awaits me here too, and i will have to be back...:)

~Amen...

| Holud Paakhi |

shei je holud paakhi..
boshe jamrul gaach er daal e..
o tor holo dakadaki..
amaar shoishob er shokaale..


Ekdin gelo ure, janina,
kon shudure..
Firbe naa..she ki firbe naa...
Firbe naa..aar kono din..

......

| Smiles gone Grey |

I have been asked
to write a poem on the colour grey
Not black, nor white
but which lies in between, grey

And all i can think of
to start with greying hair,
grey school trouser a decade ago
or the grey clouds embracing my sky's home

The poet, me
feels like a child
Asking me, she has vanished
Into her greys, me here in black and white

A dozen things in this world
are in those two colours
but for those three blind men
coming down from the train

the station before mine
in the last city i lived,
they i know, knew not grey,
neither black or white

Colours, grey, black,
white, or those of the rainbow,
do they carry much meaning?
or it is about how they are splashed at you

On a tottering easel
and splintered drawing board
modern painting they might say
But she and I

Having seen the greys
the blacks, the whites
knowing, what it was,
Smiled..

I had been asked
to write a poem on the colour grey
Not black nor white
but that which lies in between, grey

And we smiled
our smiles now, grey..

~Amen..

|Bharat Hum ko Jaan Se Pyaara Hain|

15 more days and i cant but be restless to get going...Home, where my heart is...and look at my fellow country men, here so many miles away, so apathetic, merciless, so nonchalant about being away..from the land that they smelled, toiled and grew up in!!!

Guide says, rather unemotionally, before going u have XYZ more days, c what you can do? - How can somebody work, after all these weeks of toiling, when home starts ringing its siren bells..Doesnt he understand?

A friend says - come out of it, what home sickness man, dont behave like a woman, is it a trait of a woman, that you long for your country back so many miles away..

People - ask why are you going home, you could have stayed over summers and done research, what research, i wonder, when the heart is not in its place, bled, despondent, full of stories to be told my nearest ones, where in the picture does research come at all ?

- Listening to Hariharan and writing, they have, i have allowed them, to take away all my poetry, but not this last bit, never....

~Bharat hum ko jaan se pyara hain...

| Hey Mohajibon|