it has been sometime since something has been written in these corners..just dont know why, i feel like writing a poem, and yet find myself so crippled to write one..
Maybe this is just the start, i dont know if of the beginning!
A change process that i dont know if it is for good or for bad.
Talking to the phd student, who defended last week, chaired by my advisor, it really for the first time ever, dawned on me ..about the long haul i am in...
Let us not put any time frames to this..
Let me just be dedicated and sincere and integrity personified and hope that the script takes charge of everything else..
In a nutshell, let me be good, be in total surrender with my research, and hope that all that has happened in life, has been for this new experience indeed!
Do i realise it, that after all of this last decade of studies, and working, this one, the PhD experience, is something is so afresh and totally new for me.
Am i prepared for it, i dont know just as yet, but one thing is for sure, i will try, try with my inner natural self, and what i have learnt from life in these years to give it a chance..
How many times in life do we give life a chance...Never, i guess! How about then giving this opportunity, despite the long hauls a deserved chance then....
Just dont know, if i should console myself, if i should steel up myself, if i should organise and discipline myself, or if i should be just a good student, and hope that the teacher takes care of the rest.....
Strange are the days in these last few days of 2005, last year same time, the efforts of mine, to start a life with somebody vanished..This year it seems it is the part of other life of mine to dissappear too...
Finding me, ever since now will be ever so difficult from now on...But if thats the wish, let that be so...
~amen...
i've come far enough
not to see my yesterday, nor feel my yesternight,
though the ghost of loneliness
knocks my door for one pending final fight
each breath i take
each step i release
i dissolve, i disappear, i vanish,
each moment i try to hold, begins to cease
days of dry april dance
to the tango of my victory
as night falls on tiptoe and the sea moans
i become the defeat, i become the story
among this sand of sparkle -
shaped by the sun, smoothened by the sea -
i'm dissolved somewhere, like smoke in the sky
for one weaned moment of my life, find me...
`anonymous..
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