Lately I've been trying to fill up my days since you're gone....

Have opened my doors of life again. To people and women. Trying to get back to myself, the one of yore, who feared not to get weak, or shed a tear or two.

Will the arms of hope surround me?
Will time be a fairweather friend?
Should I call out to angels,
Or just drink myself sober again?
I can't hide, it's true.

Bricks however are all that remain. The soft mud the clay has dissappeared...and i am still looking for you. Many a times i feel like leaving it all, shedding it all, and giving you a ring. Apologise, apologise and apologise and apologise more if any actions of mine hurt you. To say to you, that i will be with you, unconditionally, you give me nothing and still you will find me there around you.

I would have done it, you know what, if you are reading this piece. But i cant. I just dont want to create any ruffles in your life. Just get easy, drive at a constant pace down the highway, no acceleration, no decceleration, you deserve it for your years of stolid showing, glancing past dishonest men, and praying that perhaps landing with a honest one in the end as a husband.

The speed of love is blinding,
And I didn't know how to hold on.
My mind won't clear.
I'm out of tears.
My heart's got no room left inside.

Are you reading this Mimosa? Just dont know and so easy isnt it. I hope you do since you do know my address of this blog. However i do know you are forgetful enough to have erased it from your memory. To have completely removed me from your life when you took the flight or train out of mumbai to your now new city. The city which you often told me gave you your love, the city where you are completely at peace. May you find loads of that dearest....

For me, well my days of leaving this place are dawning. About 29 days more to go, yday i also got my train booked. Travelling back to cal, on a train should be good. When was the last time i did a long journey on Indian railways. I infact also have thought about listening to select tracks as the trains poo-poos its way outside of Mumbai.

The city, which gave me a lot. A lot indeed. So what some of it was painful and resulted in a learning in the end. So what i shall leave having unmasked people's faces, in the process of loosing some good close ones whom i had thought to be close to me. They never were, now they never will be.

Mumbai is casting its parting cover on me and the feel of it is warm and soggy, i am getting drenched a time should come when i can shed a tear or two perhaps as well.

I have started looking for you, or shoud i say your shades again. But thats life, neither could you stop, or stopped, neither can i, i wont. Have just a few questions to end this one with...

How many dreams will end?
How long can I pretend?
How many times will love pass me by,
Until I find you again?


And let me say, to you...I pray you read this...
I still burn for you.
Your memory just won't let me go.
I'd hold you tighter,
Closer than ever before.
No flame would burn brighter,
If I could touch you once more,
Hold you once more!


Lately I've been trying to fill up my days since you're gone....will you pray for me that i do get somebody...